Ouran COLLEGE Hosts? Hitachiin Exploits and ME!
by Me.Vicky
Summary: Hikaru and Kaoru are MY responsibility here at college? My life is officially over.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing here that might get me sued. In fact, this wasn't even written by me, I just posted it here for my grandmother, who is really into fanfiction. Honest, I swear.

Unless, of course, you liked it. Then I TOTALLY wrote it, and will marry you if you are taller than 6'3'' and are of the male persuasion.

PLEASE give a little feedback. I'm trying a couple of different things lately in prep for a novella I'm writing as my Senior English Project. 'Preciate it!

Apologies for slaying the Japanese Language. And for swearing too frequently. And for being so non-canon. But honestly, I love you all. Kisses!

-Prologue-

How did it come to this? Why is this happening?

I thought I would be free here at college. Instead, I'm playing wet nurse to my Mom's client's stupid sons. Twins, no less. Japanese, no less.

How did this happen to me?

The Hitachiin twins are more trouble than they're worth. Which isn't a whole hell of a lot.

And they have succeeded in making my life here at Catacombs College a living hell.

Thank you, God. Thank you so bloody much.

It's like this: My name is Janae Thompson. Don't call me Jan if you wish to keep all your fingers. Call me Nae only if you feel really brave. NEVER pronounce it like "Jenny". My name is JANAE, as in: J for Jerk, rhymes with Clan, rhymes with Yay!

Stupid, I know. Now shut it and listen to what I have to say.

Anyways, my mom is really into multi-cultural bullshit nowadays, which is why she HAD to hire an authentic Japanese interior designer for our new living room here in Goose Crotch, Montana. Turns out she had a connection through one of her definitely-for-profit charity organizations she's always…um, well, organizing. As a celebrity lawyer, she can afford that.

Plus, of course, the designer kitchen from Italy, the German-theme Master bed-and-bath, and the Peruvian dining room, among other things.

However, none of the international interior designers my mom flew in had sons who were going to the same college as I was in the fall. Especially not Japanese twins who don't know when to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS.

Sorry, Hikaru is looking over my shoulder as I type this. They're both in my room with me, with the door shut, which my RA, Jess, should NEVER allow, except for two things:

1. My mom and the Hitachiins and my RA and my roomie Karin (basically, everyone but me) consider us members of some sicko kind of reunited family, and therefore the twins are now my "adopted cousins". Yeah, as if.

2. The twins pulled some kind of mind control on my RA and charmed her socks off with their pretty-boy looks and oh-so-sweet "brotherly love". Which is just wrong. Wrong, wrong, WRONG.

So now Jess thinks the twins can do no wrong, and let them do whatever they want; which, turns out, is usually to fake-dote on one another like sappy gay turtledoves, or to pick on/tease/prank me.

Just my luck, huh? I finally meet some attractive foreigners, and they're only interested in me as a punching bag.

What a way to start the college semester, right?

It gets worse.

We're rooming in the same building, which means they never leave me alone.

I ask you, how do I explain having to show these twincestuous losers around campus, and American culture in general, to boys who may want to get to know me in a Biblical sense?

Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

Kaoru, if you don't stop breathing down my neck, I'll tear out your esophagus and feed it to you.

Sorry again.

They think they're so great. They do this really weird talk together/laugh obnoxiously together/dress the same thing that makes me want to puke.

How am I going to handle this??

Someone, anyone, HELP ME!

No, not you two. Don't TOUCH me, you homos!

-And so it all began…Chapter One-

"Catacombs AHOY!" shouted the twins from the backseat of my Concorde.

I turned around to face them. "I TOLD you, if you don't SHUT IT-"

"We know, we know." Hikaru flipped his hair out of his eyes and grinned. "Demo, it's so BORING back here, Oujou."

Arrrrrgh. That grates my nerves just TYPING it.

I turned back to the road. "Please, just keep quiet while I try to find a place to park. And cut out the Japanese slangy bullcrap."

As I glanced into the rearview mirror, they both tilted their heads to the side and intoned, "Gomen nasai, Janae-tan."

Honestly. Japanese boys are so weird.

Anyways, I got a spot reasonably close to where our building is located on campus. It's actually the perfect building: central to all my classes, the dining hall and the gym. Everything's a two-minute walk away.

Good thing, too. Catacombs is located on top of a FREAKING MOUNTAIN.

No shit. It's a sixty mile drive up at a 45 degree angle. Talk about remote from civilization.

Not that you can describe Goose Crotch as a civilization. No, not by any stretch of imagination. There are two gas stations, a Bi-Lo, a pizza joint that looks pretty good (there are bowling balls half-buried in the concrete wall surrounding it) a coffeehouse called Cool Beans (puh-LEASE) a cheap bowling alley (ah, that explains the interesting décor at the pizza joint) and a motel called the GooseDown Inn.

The closest Wal-Mart is 30 minutes drive away.

Our new house (me and Mom) is exactly 48 minutes and twenty seven seconds away.

That's it. That's all there is. No Blockbuster, no mall to speak of. Not even a McDonalds here for God's sake, and if that doesn't astonish you, then you obviously just dropped down from another planet.

In which case, please TAKE ME WHEN YOU LEAVE.

It literally astounds me that Goose Crotchians don't commit suicide more often.

Whose godawful idea was it to send me to college here, anyways? Oh, that's right, one of my mom's social peers recommended it at her last Cheese and Wine Social.

What I wouldn't give to kick his ass all the way down here, let him look around, then kick it all the way back to DC, where I SHOULD be going to college. Y'know, with people I actually KNOW and UNDERSTAND.

Say what you will about DC, at least the word "crotch" isn't in the name.

Anyway.

As I got out of the car, some total douche sidled up next to the car, put his slimy hand on my arm and said, "May I escort you and your bags to your dorm, Miss?"

Does that not reek of harassment to you? I did not know this man.

All of a sudden there's a bellhop service my first day at college? RIGHT.

I looked around for the unmarked white van and a trail of lollipops.

"I'm here to help delicate ladies get moved in, lend some manly strength to a noble cause." He laughed like a retard at this. Like he honestly thought that he was funny.

This total loser was hitting on me so hard he didn't even notice the Japanese twins in the backseat I had to lug here with me. Yeah, carry those up, you dickweed.

"Plus, if there's anything else you may need while you are here at Catacombs," he leered, his hand STILL groping my arm, "I'm always willing to, ahem, help out…" and he wiggled his eyebrows like Pres. Taft bellydancing.

I smiled sweetly at him. See, at that point I was in a relatively good mood. I put my face close to his and beamed. "If you lay one slimy, repulsive finger on anything that belongs to me, INCLUDING me," and here I peeled his hand from my forearm, "I'll rip you a new nostril. Kapice, bellboy?"

He took a step back. I could tell he was a little surprised. "Okay, fine," he sneered, trying to cover up the fact that he was the biggest loser on the face of the earth, "I get it. Jeez, it's just something I have to do for course credit in my applied schem-"

I interrupted his train of thought. "I don't give a rat's about you or your turdly course credit. Get out of my way, and stay there for the rest of your life."

He stared at me in disbelief. "You really ARE a total bitch, aren't you?"

I gave him my best smile, and flipped my hair. "Now you know the difference between good looks and a good personality. Now beat it before I beat YOU."

He retreated, nonchalant yet hastily, pausing to say under his breath, "Go to hell."

"I own a summer home there, little man. Back away and continue your meaningless existence."

-_-_-

The Hitachiins watched this scene with growing interest, until finally they could not help but burst into laughter in the backseat, rolling around and pounting on the seats while howling like loons.

As soon as Kaoru could catch his breath, he turned to his brother and gasped, "So, what do you make of our bitchy Oujou now?"

Hikaru wheezed through his tears, "I think we just got guaranteed an interesting year here at Catacombs, eh Kao-kun?"

This made them laugh even harder, until both were red-faced and sweaty.

-_-_-

As soon as the bellhop/loser had left, my attention was drawn to my stupid fake cousins, who were absolutely pissing themselves laughing.

"Oi!" I rapped my ring against the widow sharply. "Stop dicking around and give me a hand with all your luggage."

This brought them sharply up and out of the car. "What is it? What is it?" they asked eagerly. "What is 'dicking'?"

That caught me off-guard. Great, the first American word I taught them was "dick". Mom will be overjoyed when she finds out. "Um, I dunno, it just means…nothing important. Now will you get your lazy butts up the hill with all this junk?"

I cast my critical eye over the piles upon piles that had been buried away in my trunk. "Didn't I tell you not to bring too much stuff? Didn't I say we'd drive to Wal-Mart later to get anything you might need besides personals?"

I nudged my toe against my backpack. This, and my collapsible laundry bag, were all I had filled with things for college. "I even make a case against bringing too many clothes as personal items," I grumbled.

"That's not fair," whined Hikaru. "We NEED all this stuff!"

At this, Kaoru grabbed his brother's sleeve and stage-whispered, "I thought you said _I _was all you needed, Hikaru…"

_Oh brother, here it goes._

Hikaru grinned softly, and swung an arm around to pull his twin closer. "Of course, my darling. If all I have is you, then I have all I need…"

Kaoru pushed his face close to Hikaru's, and lowered his eyes. "Onegai, Hikaru, people are watching us."

As I watched this, two girls getting out of a truck near me stopped to watch. And promptly fainted.

I stared at them, then at the twins. "Dude, what the hell?"

They let go of each other, linked arms and began laughing like Taft on nitrous oxide. "The Hitachiin twins are sugoi!"

-_-_-

"Okay, here's the deal," said Janae over her shoulder to the two groaning boys, dragging their college belongings behind them up the hill to the dormitory.

"I am here for two things. I am here to study, and I am here to get it on with hot college boys. Now, what you do in your sp-"

"What," interrupted Kaoru, "about sleeping?"

"And," continued Hikaru, "eating?"

Janae groaned. "With any luck, I won't have to do either. Now LISTEN: what you two do in your spare time is YOUR business. I can only ask that you leave me alone if you value your life. I'm not here to mommy you through your American college experience, got it?"

The twins stopped, pointed and laughed. "Look, they're playing American football!"

Janae made a cellphone gesture with her hand. "Moshimoshi?"

The twins turned to her. "Nani?"

"I have been TALKING to you, idiots!"

"Hai, we got it already" they intoned. "Leave you alone."

"Exactly."

"Until that time which you decide to get it on with us."

"Yes, exac…HELL NO!"

Kaoru stuck out his tongue. "YOU were the one who brought up screwing hot college guys."

Janae stomped up the hill, away from them. "I sure as HELL didn't mean either of YOU."

They watched nonchalantly as she reached the door, pushed aside two freshmen girls having a conversation (who promptly burst into tears) and stomped inside Rayburn Hall.

"Kaoru."

"Yes?"

"Shall we have a contest, ne?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Hikaru?"

Hikaru raked his fingers through his hair and grinned. "It's the "Who can get Janae to crack first" game!"

"Yup, I can't wait."

With matching smirks, they linked arms, laced fingers, and strutted up the hill together. "Let the party begin!"

-_-_-

Again, thanks for reading this. I would like to point out: if anyone can guess my movie/literary allusions, I'll buy you a lollipop.

Just a drabble at this point, trying a new style of narrator voice. I have definite plans to continue, but no plot in mind right now,

It kind of flips from present to past tense, and from Janae's POV to third person a couple of times. Sorry if that was hard to follow.

And please send a little feedback my way!


	2. Chapter 2

It's me, Janae.

I had to come to the library to write this, can you believe it? Kaoru and Hikaru have been up in my grill ALL FREAKING DAY. You would not BELIEVE the stunts they've pulled.

I am so humiliated. And PISSED as HELL.

I'm only two weeks into the college experience, and already I want to slit my wrists.

And you know what? I can't handle it anymore. I'm just gonna call Mom and tell her I need to be transferred somewhere, ANYWHERE, to get away from here.

It's been two weeks, and I can no longer handle these…these…ARRRRGH.

What is WRONG with them? They're possessed or something, I swear.

Listen to these shenanigans:

They stole a professor's toupee today. RIGHT off his head, DURING class. And the guy is so geriatric, he doesn't even notice when they PUT IT BACK ON HIS HEAD.

They started a food fight in the cafeteria. Seriously, like they were back in middle school. A FOOD FIGHT.

They blacked out an entire section of classrooms while fooling around with an electrical grid. How do I know? I was in Computer Lab 4 writing a five-page summary of a six-page reading assignment when it happened. All my save data, LOST.

Oh, and also, they bragged about it to me afterwards. Great, I think that makes me an accomplice or something. They were SO proud, too. They kept grinning at me like I was supposed to congratulate them.

What I did was whack them both firmly upside the head. Which only made me feel marginally better.

Also, they continue to diss the open dorm hours, instead opting to hang out in MY room ALL DAY.

I swear, they're acting like PRETEENS. Who in their right mind screws around like that in COLLEGE?

Oh, but that's not the worst. If you think I'm done, you're dead wrong. Catch this:

They have created a Catacombs College Host Club.

Just typing this makes me feel faint. I think I need to lay down for a moment.

-=+=-

Kaoru and Hikaru followed Janae, at an annoyingly close distance, out of the cafeteria. Janae's cheeks burned with embarrassment and fury.

"What, in God's name, compelled you to fling mashed potatoes onto the ceiling?" she hissed, not trusting herself to even LOOK at the two boys behind her.

Kaoru laughed. "Come on, Janae-tan. Like you've never wanted to have a food fight."

Janae still didn't look at them. "Yes. In SIXTH GRADE. You're in college now. Will you both please GROW UP?"

No answer. Janae finally turned to look them in the eye. Only, they were no longer behind her.

They were staring eagerly at a poster pinned onto a lunch hall bulletin board.

"Look!" Kaoru pointed eagerly. "They're having club signups here tonight!"

"Oh, cool! They have Aikido classes!"

"We could donate blood." Kaoru squinted at the fine print. "On a…daily basis." Suddenly he looked a little faint. "Hikaru…"

Hikaru grabbed Kaoru's shoulders and eased up against his body. "Shush, silly. You don't need to get worked up about it." Lowering his eyelids, he tilted Kaoru's chin. "Unless, of course, you're getting worked up about _me_."

Janae walked up to them, struggling to ignore their brotherly love. "Hey, maybe if you guys had something to do during your free time, you could stay out of trouble." _And maybe leave me alone for longer than five minutes at a time._

Hikaru wasn't listening. "Look, they say if you have a club idea not listed here, you can set up a booth tonight."

Janae turned white. "Oh, no."

Kaoru swung his head to look at Hikaru. "Hai, let's do it."

"No, I forbid you to do it. No, no, NO!"

They entwined arms and grinned. "It's College Host Club time!"

"Oh NOOOOOOOOO…"

-=+=-

So now, you guessed it, they've got a table set up in the lunch hall. They're signing up eligible (rich) young ladies to hang out with after classes. They're auditioning hot guys to see if they're "host club material".

Actually, I must admit, that part I was enjoying. They kept asking guys to take off their shirts. Mmmmm.

Regardless, I had to leave when Kaoru waved at me across the hall and shouted, "Janae-tan, you'd better hurry and sign up before all the spots get taken!"

Right, as if. I had to break for the library after that, to save myself the embarrassment. Like I'd even want to hang out with creeper college strangers, and have to PAY for it?

No effing way.

Hey, I don't CARE what their high school was like. Nobody here in AMERICA would do that kind of thing.

Or so I thought. Their booth was one of the busiest before I left. It figures that everyone here at Catacombs is whacked out.

Uh oh, here comes Hikaru. I'd better look busy.

Too late, he's coming over. DAMMIT. I'll be right back.

-=+=-

Hikaru, in one smooth motion, swung a chair out from the study table and planted himself in it next to Janae.

She was not impressed. "What is it?" she whispered to him. "I'm busy writing."

Hikaru cast a critical eye upon her laptop screen. "Yeah, I can tell. "here comes Hikaru, I'd better look busy"? Nice, Janae."

Janae flipped the lid shut and turned her head to look him in the eye. "Did you come here for a reason?" she glared.

He smirked. "As a matter of fact, yes. I've talked with Kaoru about it, and we decided to give you the last spot available on the Catacombs College Host Club list."

Janae stared with poison in her eyes. "If you're suggesting that I pay YOU TWO to sit with a guy I don't know for an hour and sip tea and wear dainty clothes like a total douche, you're off your nut."

Hikaru opened his mouth.

"And I am totally NOT into cross-dressing," Janae plowed through her speech. "I don't CARE how cool this Haruhi chick was back in high school, okay? It's just not my scene."

Hikaru shrugged. "Fine," he said. "Mou, it's not like we were going to make you pay or anything."

Janae crossed her arms sullenly. "Oh, so now I'm a charity case? What, I'm not GOOD enough to pay for a male prostitute?"

Hikaru reached out a hand, but Janae smacked it away. "And that's the last time I ever touch you voluntarily, Hitachiin Hikaru.

Hikaru stared in disbelief. "Tamaki-senpai was right. Women need a textbook written about them. You're too hard to understand."

"I'm too WHAT? Too hard to UNDERSTAND?!" Janae suddenly stood, knocking her chair against the ground. "What's hard to understand is how I ever let myself be talked into this whole stupid thing!"

At this point, nobody else in the library was studying, instead opting to enjoy the free show.

"And what stupid thing would that be?" Hikaru, too, had risen from his seat, and was now staring Janae down.

"You wouldn't understand," sniped Janae smugly. "You're a MAN, you're too complicated."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It MEANS," and Janae took a deep breath in order to shout in his face, "THAT I-"

"Am being kicked out of the library," interrupted an angry voice behind them.

Suddenly rushing back to where she was, Janae turned, shame-faced, to face the furious librarian. "I am so sorry about this-"

"I'm sorry too. Now both of you, OUT."

The other students began to drift back to their work.

"W-wait, please…" Janae fumbled for words. Hikaru looked on in amusement.

The librarian grabbed them both by the shoulder and frog-marched them to the door. "This is a place intended for quiet study, NOT a booth at McDonalds. From now on, keep your ridiculous, sophomoric quarreling confined to your own areas." She pushed them both outside. "Feel free to come back in when you can respect the rules of conduct."

The door slammed shut in their faces.

-=+=-

I can't believe it.

I, for the first time in my life, have been forcibly ejected from a library.

Mom's gonna KILL me if she finds out.

I'm gonna kill HIKARU for this. He just got me publically shamed and physically thrown from our nation's greatest institutuion, the library.

But as I turn to wail on him, he begins laughing.

That does it, I AM gonna kill him now.

But before I can, I start laughing too.

Don't ask me why, I have no idea. All I know is, I can't stop. And it feels GREAT.

-=+=-

Janae and Hikaru laughed for what felt like an eternity, and then Janae abruptly stopped. "Oh no! I left my laptop in there!"

They both jumped up to look in the window. Library woman was bearing Janae's laptop away, to her office.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine with her," said Hikaru.

And then they began laughing even harder, until they were both rolling on the sidewalk clutching their stomachs.

"S-Stop," gasped Janae. "I c-cant take it anymore."

Hikaru rolled onto his back, and closed his eyes against the sunshine. "Aa, that felt good."

"I haven't laughed like that in AGES," she giggled.

"So you are a real human being after all." Hikaru rolled onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow. "Kaoru and I were starting to worry about you."

Janae snorted. "Yeah, whatever." She stood and offered Hikaru a hand up. "C'mon, let's go."

"What about your laptop?"

"Like you said, it'll be safe with Mother Superior in there. I'm not quite ready to "respect the rules of conduct" just yet."

Hikaru took her offered hand and jumped to his feet. However, he did not immediately let go of her hand.

"See?" he said, hefting their hands above his head like a trophy. "You said you'd never touch me voluntarily ever again. That means I win!"

Janae's brow furrowed. "Okay, sure. You can let go now."

Hikaru puffed out his chest. "No, I mean since I won the argument, that means YOU have to hang out with the host club now!"

-=+=-

I couldn't believe it.

He just turned this whole damn thing around on me!

I open my mouth to tell him just where he and his twin can stick their host club, when something catches my eye.

Make that someONE. A certain someone.

It's Austin Griffiths. Austin "roxors my soxors" Griffiths. Austin hottest-guy-here-at-Catacombs, sexiest-coolest-funniest guy I know.

And he's coming, oh my GOD, RIGHT TOWARDS US!

I yank my hand from Hikaru and say under my breath, "Be cool." Aloud, I say "Hey Austin!" and flash him my best smile.

"Hey, Janae." He shows a little sliver of his white teeth, his eyes lingering on my chest before rising to my eyes. _Yes! Result!_

Hikaru raises a fist. "Hey Griff."

"'Sup, Japan." Austin pounds it.

Griff? Japan? Um, what's with the nicknames?

"Dude," Austin says to Hikaru. "I'm pumped about this Host thing. Man, talk about a socially acceptable opportunity to hang with multiple chicks at a time!"

Hold the phone.

AUSTIN is in the HOST CLUB?!

Suddenly it becomes clear to me. Hikaru is trying to hook up with MY MAN! That worthless FAG!

I am about to scream, or explode, or SOMETHING, when Austin shifts his eyes to me. "Hey Nae, aren't you in the Host Club too?"

Nae. He just called me Nae.

I swear I can hear the Hallelujah Chorus in the background.

"Why, yes," I hear myself say. "Yes I am."

"Cool. We should hang out while we're there." He brushes the hair from his eyes.

DAMN, son. He looks so effing HOT.

"Yeah," I say as nonchalantly as I can. "We should."

"So, I gotta go to the gym." He leans down and puts his face kind of close to mine and says, "I'll catch you later."

My legs feel wobbly. He smells like Old Spice. I LOVE Old Spice. "'Kay. See you."

He smiles at me. AT ME!

Then he jerks his head at Hikaru, and saunters away.

Hikaru stares after him in a funny way. Then he looks at me. "So, you like him, ne?"

"I want to eat his shirt."

Hikaru laughs. "That's a yes, then."

"Whatever. Are we going or not?"

"Let's relieve Kaoru of his duties."

"Sure thing,_ Japan."_

Hikaru winces a little. "Don't call me that."

"Why not, _JAPAN_?" I say in my best sing-song voice.

Then he does this really weird thing. He catches my hand again and pulls me up close to him like he does to Kaoru. He sounds really serious. "I mean it, Janae. My name is Hikaru, and I want you to call me that."

For a minute, I can't do anything but stare into his eyes. It's hard to concentrate on anything other than his caramel-colored eyes and the sound of his breathing.

He smells really good, too. He smells like…cut grass. And lemonade. He smells like Summer.

Wait a sec, what the hell? What am I SAYING? Am I totally effing LOCO?!

For the second time that day, I yank my hand from his grasp. "WhatEVER, Hikaru. Try not to get faggot all over me."

Hikaru laughs. "There it is again."

"There WHAT is?"

Jamming his hands in his back pockets, he saunters back towards the lunch hall. "Nothing, nothing," he calls over his shoulder.

I swear, men can be so…so INFURIATING.

Still…

I jog to catch up with him. As soon as I reach his side, I bump him with my hip. "Nee."

"Aa?"

"How about Hika-kun?"

For a moment, he doesn't say anything. Then he tosses me a grin. "So you've been holding out on us with the Japanese slangy bullcrap, Janae-tan."

"Oh, whatever." I shove him to the side.

You know, I could be totally off base, but Hikaru isn't really a bad guy.

Oh, HELL no.

He's staring at one of the cross-campus golf carts.

"No," I say immediately.

For the THIRD time today, Hikaru grabs my hand. "I think you mean YES."

"No," I insist, "I mean NO."

But it's too late, he's dragging me (against my will) to the cart.

"You're going to get expelled for this," I predict. "I'M going to get expelled for this."

He shoves me into the passenger side. "You know you waaaaaant toooooo."

Great, he's starting the engine. This is what my life has become: a questionably legal ride on a golf cart straight out of tertiary education.

Damn these Hitachiins.

-=+=-

Author's Notes: Sorry this is so long, but I felt inspired. I know I'll hit a wall eventually, but right now, I can't stop! Thank you to KitsuneHinote and have-a-cookie, who reviewed for me. I have another chapter in mind as we speak. PLEASE GUYS, this is rapidly becoming my Creative Writing assignment, give me a little feedback. And I love you all, honestly.


	3. Chapter 3

Notes at the bottom! Please enjoy this teaser/minichapter, and expect another chapter soon!

-=+=-

Kaoru clapped twice. "Attention! Can I have your attention, please?"

The group of roughly fifteen guys and girls, seated in a rough circle within the classroom, dropped the sound level a few decibels, but conversation continued unabated.

"Um," Kaoru faltered. "Excuse me, everybody? Can we start?"

Still no noticeable shift of attention to the leader of the ragtag meeting. Kaoru looked at Hikaru helplessly.

Hikaru just shrugged. "Well, what can we do? They're Americans."

To punctuate his observation, a loud and irritated voice cut through the chatter and brought it grinding to a halt. "Oi, bitches! Shut the hell up!"

Everyone stopped talking.

Kaoru coughed slightly. "Thank you, Janae-tan."

"No problem." Janae leaned back in her chair smugly. "And don't call me that."

"Well then, I'd like to bring this first meeting of the Host Club to order." Kaoru shuffled through an untidy stack of papers. "First, let me remind you all that the club hours and weekly events will be posted on the website AND emailed in the monthly newsletter, which the club manager will be handling. Which brings us to our next item."

Hikaru cut in. "You all know Janae, of course. As the founders of this club, Kaoru and I have appointed her official club manager."

Polite applause for a few seconds, then silence.

Janae crossed her arms. "Hold up, Thing 2. I don't even want to be in this club. What makes you think I'll do your managing for you?"

"Because if you don't," smirked Hikaru, "we'll tell your mom you really WERE involved with the golf cart incident."

"That's both blackmail and perjury."

Kaoru grinned. "Not according to the photos I took of said incident."

Janae gaped. "You little bitch; I KNEW you two planned that whole thing."

"So, would you rather be in trouble, or in charge, Janae-tan?" Kaoru sing-songs.

"Consider me your TEMP manager. I've got too heavy a workload to bother with you for long."

Hikaru shrugged. "Suit yourself. Just keep in mind, we have the photo negatives as well."

"As manager, I move that you twins GET TO THE POINT."

"Right! The moment we've all been waiting for!" Kaoru swung to Hikaru. "Can I get a drumroll?"

Hikaru drummed his fingers on the table.

"Presenting the 2009 Catacombs Host Club! Please stand and strike a pose as you are introduced!"

-=+=-

"Our Studious type, Scott Johnson!"

A boy who personifies the term "geek chic" stands, adjusts his wire-rimmed glasses and rakes a hand through his hair. The girls clap for him like seals in a fish factory. Yes, they even make seal noises while they do it.

"Our Enthusiastic type, Jake Wyler!"

An overeager looking blond guy (who is actually wearing a tie over his tee-shirt. Yes, for real) stands, throws a thumbs-up and winks to an invisible camera.

"Our Cool type, Austin Griffiths!"

Well, I'll admit, he IS pretty cool. He rises, props one leg behind the other and lifts a finger to his chin. Then he looks straight at me, and (oh, YES) quirks an eyebrow in such an endearing way that I almost get up and flying-hug-tackle him.

"Our Loner type, Del Beresma!"

Instead of standing, the lanky dude in the corner (yes, the corner of the circle. I have no idea how he pulled it off) kicks a leg out, laces his fingers behind his head, and sighs. Does it surprise any of you that he's a film major?

"And Hikaru and I are, of course, the Mischievous Twin Foreigner type." They stand, and with absolute perfect timing, link elbows, tilt their heads and raise the peace sign.

"Ladies, please keep in mind which guy you want for tomorrow's first social event. Sign-up sheet is on the seat near the door. Now if the lovely young women could leave, us guys have some business to discuss."

As the girls stand, chattering excitedly as they file out the door, Hikaru wags a finger. "Not you, Janae."

I laugh. "If you think I'm sticking around to listen to you guys talk about racks and asses, you're braindead.

"You have to," Kaoru says. "You're in charge."

"Oh, yeah? In that case, I give myself the day off. Toodles!"

"Aw, c'mon Nae, hang for a sec," Austin says.

Dammit, I hate myself so much. "Fine, but just for a sec. I'll be late for work study." I sit down again.

Once the last girl has exited, Jake begins to hoot. "Dude, this is retarded boss! Did you see those chicks? They are FINE!"

"This is off the hook!" Scott reaches over to high-five Jake.

"Okay, okay, okay. Get to the point, Kaoru." I don't have time for their girlish glee.

"Gentlemen, I would like to remind you that these aren't just clients who are paying for our services." Kaoru pulls a rose from his jacket. "They are also delicate young ladies with feelings, and you are, under no circumstances, to take advantage of them, understood?"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it," Del groans. "Can we go now?"

"You'd better get it," I inform him. "Because if you screw up, I'll present your head to the dean on a silver platter."

"Whatever, " he sighs.

I fix him with my best death glare. "I'm the manager, and I effing mean it, filmtard."

THAT makes him sit up. "Okay! Whatever!"

I smile pleasantly. "Great. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Dress nice, be sweet, and do exactly as I say, and you might actually make it."

"Yes, ma'am!" Jake salutes me.

"Rule one, Short Bus: NEVER do that again," I snap.

He shrinks away. "I got it. Okay."

"Oh, and rule two: no freebies. I don't care if your girlfriend is really super-duper special, NO ONE gets in without paying dues directly to me."

This makes Del groan, but he shuts up when I flip him the glare again.

"I'll no doubt see you two after work study," I direct to Hikaru and Kaoru. "So stay out of trouble until then."

"Hai, Janae-tan!" they chant.

"Don't call me that!" I say automatically, walking out the door.

Honestly. Guys are just too confusing to bother with.

-=+=-

All six guys leaned over to watch Janae's hips wiggle as she exited the room.

As soon as the door had shut itself firmly, Jake pumped the air with his fist. "DAYUM, she's hot. A major bitch, but she's RED HOT."

"I'd smack that all night long," Scott grinned, reaching over to bump Jake's fist.

"So, does she have something going on with either of you, or what?" Austin pointed to the twins.

"All hands off Janae." Hikaru frowned. "Never mix business with pleasure."

"Whatever." Del yawns. "Can we go now?"

Kaoru's eyes glinted, and he slid Hikaru a look. "Not yet. Last order of business: we need to explore your personal roles as hosts."

"Huh?"

"For example, Hikaru and I use the twin thing in our act as part of our signature style. Since you all have different personalities, you need to explore which character you'll be while acting as a host."

Scott raised a tentative hand. "So, uh, since I'm the smart type, I act like a geek, or something?"

Hikaru cut in again. "Yes, but think geek-with-benefits. Like a sexy young college professor who seduces the young and innocent new freshmen."

"Oh." A devilish smile crept across Scott's face. "I can roll with that."

"What about me?" says Jake.

Kaoru reached into his stack of papers and pulled out a scribbled-upon notebook sheet. "I have some ideas right here. Let's go over them, shall we?"

"All right!" Austin slaps Jake a double high five. "Dude, this is the most epic thing EVER."

-=+=-

Author's notes: Not the best I've done, but I felt like introducing the host club before the next JanaexTwin chapter. Hope you're enjoying it, and I should have a new chapter out in the next five days at the earliest. Thank you to everyone who has been reading so far and to those who give such positive feedback. I actually got a hallmate interested in this story talking about it during lunch and she's not even an Ouran fan! And always remember, I love you all. Kisses!


	4. Chapter 4

'Sup guys. It's Janae.

You may notice I'm clutching a roll of paper towels and a spray can of hospital-grade disinfectant. I'll get to that in a moment. First, let's talk about the Host Club.

What can I say? It's only been a couple of months since the Host Club's been set in motion, and already it's the hottest social event Catacombs has ever had.

Del, Jake, Scott, Austin and, of course, the twins, are the most popular guys on campus. Every girl wants to be with them. Every guy trash talks them, which according to my Translating Man book, means they are secretly jealous.

People are so shallow.

In keeping with what the twins fondly call tradition, actual club activities (read: drinking tea/coffee, dressing like gaywads and talking about how there's more to life than being really really really ridiculously good looking) are held in a large music room on Rayburn Hall.

Mind you, it's not exactly an ABANDONED music room, but Catacombs does have some halfway decent music majors, so anyone in there practicing lends to what Kaoru refers as the "atmosphere", whatever the hell that is.

While, as you may recall, the twins blackmailed me into managing this little fiasco, Kaoru and Hikaru also make me devote at least an hour a day to being what they refer to as an "incentive", which is a term Kaoru learned in Econ/Socio 101 that he describes as a "factor that enables or motivates a particular course of action, or counts as a reason for preferring one choice to the alternative. It is an expectation that encourages people to behave in a certain way."

In other words, they make me sit and chat and fawn over whoever is least popular in order to get other girls interested in him.

Yeah, basically they treat me like an indentured employee here, which is total bull crap. It's because I'm the only person they have intimate connections to, obviously.

So they coerce me into running errands, such as making grocery runs, preparing "snackies", and snapping pictures for the club's yearbook debut.

Yes, that's right. They're already in the yearbook because of the damn host club.

Did I mention club membership has tripled? Yes, now we have THRICE the girlpower. I'm taking serious consideration into hiring a new guy host.

Yeah, I know. I wouldn't even be bothered with this situation if I wasn't getting a five-percent cut of club funds. Cha-ching, baby.

In addition to my responsibilities as Host Mom (for some reason, Hikaru keeps calling me that), I of course have a regular Freshman course workload. I tell you, this club cuts into my study time MAJORLY. It doesn't help that I have work study twenty hours a week (five hours every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday).

What's work study, you may ask? Let me tell you the whole, sad story.

Basically the reason I'm spraying "public contact surfaces" with this disinfectant here in Rayburn Hall is because that's one of the many joys bestowed upon the chowderheads, like me, who chose to work facilities as a part-time college job.

I am the one who Hoovers up your Cheez-Its that you ground into the classroom carpet as you left. I am the one who, unbeknownst to you, heaves the bulging, soggy (ew) trash bags from the lobby to the dumpster out back that you never see but always…_smell._

And I am the one who, when everyone else is gone, (shudder shudder) scrubs toilets.

Do I even need to say it? Alright, I will:

WHAT the HELL did I do to deserve this?

And the worst part is, this is totally necessary. It's the only way I can garner any discretionary income my Mom won't be able to monitor my usage of. (She has this thing about me spending money on things she hasn't pre-approved, which is basically EVERYTHING)

Since I can't get off the damn mountain to work, I have to stay here and rub sleeves with the porcelain joyride EVERY DAY.

Dude, a twenty-hour workload is KILLING me, especially so close to midterms. I should have cut back my hours when I had the chance. Now, I-

"Janae!"

Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT. Here comes my work supervisor, Geoff. He's 39, he's never EVER happy, and he's my worst enemy here at Catacombs.

Don't ask me why, but the minute we met he decided to make my life a living hell. He works me like an effing packmule all day, and then complains about my attitude and so-called "poor work ethic".

Yeah, like I'm supposed to be overjoyed that he makes me scrub out garbage cans? Keep dreaming, Golden Oldie.

He's walking this way. Boy, does he look pissed.

"Didn't I tell you," he snarls in my face, "to empty the garbage cans from the classrooms, THEN vacuum Third lobby?"

Normally, I would tell someone like him to take a hike. Unfortunately for me, he holds a position of authority here at Catacombs (word on the street is he and the school's major beneficiary are lovers) and would not hesitate to use his influence to get me kicked out of here, as he has told me many times.

So, trying to be patient, I explain, "Geoff, none of the classroom cans are full so I decided to wait until some of th-"

"I don't pay you to think, I pay you to DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD. And you're getting your pay docked this week."

This guy is PSYCHO. "Geoff, all my free time is eaten up by work already. I don't have time-"

But Geoff is on a role. "Don't talk to me about YOUR busy schedule. I am singlehandedly juggling EVERY facilities student's schedules WHILE dealing with the fact that however many are put to a shift, NOTHING is cleaned to MY standards."

He hands me a bright yellow paper from a stack he's carrying. "I'm holding a mandatory instructional meeting for all facility workers, where I'll FINALLY be able to get it through your thick skulls how to do this job properly. Now, get a mop and do the second-floor bathrooms, again." He yanks the can of disinfectant from my hand. "You've done enough damage with this for today."

God, what a dick. Oh, hang on a sec…

"Geoff." I point at the yellow sheet. "This is being held during one of my afternoon classes. I can't come."

He gives me a very unpleasant smile. "You'll just have to SKIP, then."

"The contract I signed at the beginning of the year said that it's illegal to come to work during class hours."

His face hardens. "You'll do it or you'll be FIRED, Miss Thompson. If I were you, I'd evaluate where my priorities lay. Should you do the wise thing and skip class, I'd also take great care that nobody finds where you really are. If you're caught at work, that's YOUR problem. "

What a pleasant guy, right? It gets better.

As I turn to leave, he (I STILL can't believe this) pinches my butt. And says, "Lookin' good today, by the way."

When I whip back around to glare at him, he winks and licks his lips like a circus clown.

What an effing SLEAZEBALL. I really, REALLY want to smack his fat, smug face. Unfortunately, while being kicked out of Catacombs would be totally worth it, Mom would bury me alive and dance on my grave if I actually did it.

I grab a mop and a bucket of chemicals from the supply closet and stomp into the guy's bathroom. "FACILITIES! GET OUT!" I shout at the top of my lungs.

A terrified freshman flees from the far stall. As the door swings shut, I'm left in silence.

Swiping the mop across the floors in angry, jerking circles, muttering angrily under my breath about how this is all men's fault, I feel hot tears of shame come to my eyes.

"Oh, HELL no." I scrub at my eyes with my sleeve. "This is SO not worth $3.17 an hour."

I am alerted to a door opening behind me. "Angry girl in here mopping. I suggest you GET OUT."

No sound. I spin around to fix him with my best look. "Hey, braintard, I said to ge-"

I'm face-to-face with Kaoru.

Oh, shit. This is not happening.

-=+=-

Kaoru blinked at the shock-faced Janae standing in the men's bathroom. "Anou…ohayo?"

Suddenly, Janae flushed a bright red. "Hey," she muttered under her breath, keeping her eyes down as she shouldered past him to get out. "I've gotta go do…stuff."

"Ou, wait Janae-tan!" Kaoru hurried out and followed her brisk pace. "What are you-"

"I DON'T," she snarled, still bright red, "want to talk about it."

"Janae, wait, calm down, SLOW down…" He followed her across the building into the biology lab.

"Kaoru, just leave me alone. I'm working." Janae set the bucket down and began to mop in sweeping arches, keeping her back to Kaoru.

"Yes, but WHY are you working? And why were you cleaning the men's bathroom?" Kaoru sounded confused.

Janae continued to shove the mop back and forth across the floor. "It's my work study, Kaoru. I've only told you every single day when you ask me where I am all day."

Vaguely, Kaoru does recall this. However, paying attention to Janae's answers were not as crucial to his mind as paying attention to other things about her…_NO! Banish that thought!_

"Yes, but why are you working at all?"

"I'm trying to save up a little money my mom won't know about. So I can afford the occasional candy bar without being lectured about keeping a reign on my budget."

Kaoru was still confused. "Janae, your mother is a lawyer. She's rich. You don't NEED to work."

Janae sighed. "Did you ever think," she said exasperatedly, "that there might be more to life than being born in a rich family and never having to lift a finger for anything?"

This statement made Kaoru shut up and think for a minute.

"Working is something that EVERYONE has to do at some point in life, rich or not. I'm gaining life skills while I do this, however miserable it makes me to actually BE here. And the money is inarguably MINE, however little I get. So I appreciate it all the more."

"Wow, that's …a really mature way to think about it, Janae-tan."

"Don't call me that," she said automatically. "Really, working's no big deal."

Still, Kaoru remained unconvinced. "Are you SURE there's nothing wrong, Janae?"

"I'm sure." And, just then, her eyes flicked away from his for a split second.

He felt a prickle at the back of his neck. She was lying about something. "Good. I'd hate to have to find out that something wasn't right with this whole "work" thing."

"Y-yeah, sure, whatever." THERE, again she wouldn't meet his eyes. Kaoru was certain she was hiding something from him. "Are you satisfied now, Kaoru?"

_No_. "Hai." _Absolutely not._

"Then get back to the host club. I'm fine." She gave him a rare smile, although it was rather weary. "Really."

"Okay…" Kaoru resigned himself to get back to the other boys in the music room. However, as he walked away from where Janae continued to swab at the dirty floor, he promised himself to talk to Hikaru about it and get to the bottom of this whole mess.

"Don't worry, Janae-tan." He thumped a fist to his chest. "I'm going to get you out of this mess."

Her voice, from far behind him, reached his ears. "I said don't call me that!"

-=+=-

Author's Notes: HEY! Just FYI, Janae's work study experience is based (roughly) on what I'm going through. Thank god MY Geoff is nowhere near the dickhead Janae's is. I decided to cut that little mini-story in half, so sometime next week be looking for the exciting conclusion to the work-study fiasco.

As an aside, I feel really stupid asking this, but someone recently sent me a reply to a review I gave them, and I can't figure out how they did it! It showed up in my hotmail inbox as an (FF Review Reply) but it didn't come up in my inbox, so was it, like completely different from a PM? I'd love to figure out how to do this so I can thank you all personally when you review my stuff!

Since I don't know how to do that yet, I'll just say thanks to: mycarelesswhisper, ILuvHikaruAndKaoru, Surrender In Dance, LilBallOfToixc, Eyna of the Moon, Kyatto-chanxo, have-a-cookie and KitsuneHinote for your reviews! 'Preciate it, lovelies!

Tag time! Iffin y'all be into YuGiOh, check out bjjoke's Mrs Kaiba, which I'm writing a character for! (Kiahu in Ch. 8 if u just wanna skip ahead).

As far as Ouran fandom, if you've seen the English dub outtakes, you'll love peaceofmindalchemist's Say What? which made me LOL several times, disturbing my roomie's nap this afternoon…hahaha.

As always, thanks again for your support and for actually giving a care about my fanfics. I love you all; kisses!


	5. Chapter 5

The twins lay stretched out on the bed together, staring at the ceiling.

"I tell you, Hikaru, I think she's hiding something." Kaoru rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows to look at Hikaru. "If you had seen her, you would have known too."

Hikaru shrugged. "So, what do you expect us to do? It's Janae's problem, and if she doesn't want us to intervene, then we won't. It's that simple."

"No, Hikaru. I'm sure that something is seriously wrong. Not a personal problem." His brow furrowed. "I think she might be in some kind of trouble. All I ask is that we keep a closer eye on her for the time being."

With a smile, Hikaru caressed his brother's face and smoothed the worry creasing his forehead. "Oh, Kaoru, how can I refuse you when you look at me like that? You torture me."

With a calculated stutter, Kaoru whispered, "H-Hikaru…you t-torture me too."

As they lay on the bed clutching each other passionately, Janae walked into the room.

"Hey, guys, can you NOT do that all over the bed I sleep on?" She threw a look across the room. "And you should be ashamed for letting them carry on like this, Karin."

Karin, shocked from her hypnotic reverie, slapped a hand up to her bleeding nose and mumbled, "Sorry, Janae." She turned away from the snapshot of lust and tried to continue studying.

The Hitachiins sat up as one and grinned. "Ohayo, Janae-tan!"

She sat at her desk and flipped open a textbook with a weary, "Don't call me that."

"So, Janae, we were wondering."

"Hmm." Janae paged through the book in front of her, then propped her elbows and began to read.

"How would you like for us…" Kaoru began.

"To escort you to…"

"Midterm Mayhem next week?" they finished together.

Without looking up, Janae groaned, "Notta chance in hell, Thing One and Thing Two."

Without warning, Karin threw herself across the room at the boys feet. "TAKE ME! TAKE ME INSTEAD!"

Unfazed, Hikaru joined Janae by the desk. "Come on, it's the first official dance of the semester. And we really wanna go."

"So, go by yourselves. One of you can be the girl." With a suddenly wicked grin, Janae chuckled, "May I suggest going as Romeo and Juliet? As I recall, they both die at the end."

Kaoru also sidled up next to Janae. "But we really wanna go with YOU. It won't be any fun if you're not there to play deadpan reaction to our…" he trailed off. "What did you call them yesterday?"

"Morally indefensible and utterly juvenile antics."

"Yeah, that!" He pinched her cheek. "So, please?"

"No. Leave me alone."

Hikaru tapped on her head. "Onegaaaaiiii, Janae-tan?"

They began to dance around her desk, not noticing her face grow darker and darker. "Onegai, onegai, onegai, onegai, onegai, oneg-"

"FINE!" she exploded. "I'LL GO IF YOU GET OUT RIGHT NOW AND LET ME STUDY IN PEACE!"

"Arigatou!" With perfectly coordinated grace, the boys fled from the room and slammed the door behind them. "Ja mata, Janae-tan!"

"Stop CALLING me that!" she shouted at the closed door. "God, men are SO not worth it."

Karin picked herself up off the ground, dragged herself to the bed, and flopped down. "They're just so…so…"

"Moronic."

"_Beautiful._"

"Karin, don't make me angry." Janae began to scribble furiously in her notebook. "You won't like me when I'm angry."

Karin laughed. "You can get angrier?"

-=+=-

It's been a long freaking day.

I'm sitting in Host Club with Jake, who won't SHUT UP long enough for me to hear myself THINK.

"…so I told my Prof that my brother was having an emergency operation, and the guy felt so bad he gave me a three-day extension, can you believe that? And then at lunch, I ate sixteen bowls of the Italian wedding soup, that stuff is GOOD. So, after lunch…" and blah blah blah BLAH on through ETERNITY. This guy could talk the ear off a camel.

"…and it was stuck to my shoe the whole time!" Jake laughs himself into a coma. "Isn't that great?!"

"Hey, Long John Dickweed? Yeah, shut up."

This makes him sulk. "Fine." He adjusts his eyepatch. "I don't get why you're so mean all the time."

I ignore him. I'm watching Austin across the room. He looks absolutely DELICIOUS with his ruffle shirt open at the chest…mmm…and those sexy black shorts…

Did I mention that today is Pirate Roleplay Day?

Yeah, Scott busted into the Theatre Department's costume storage area the other day and pulled us out some pirate-looking clothes (or as he calls it, "pirate swag") to wear for Host Club. Um, can we spell NERD?

The girls who are sitting with Austin are laughing at every word he says, and swooning up at him like total man-hungry ho-bags. Talk about pathetic, right? He's MY captain.

I'd walk his plank any day.

Oh Christ on a Bike. One of the girls actually just reached up and touched his arm. With her slimy hand. All over MY MAN.

"Unbelievable," I hiss to myself under my breath.

Jake leans forward to look for himself. "Yeah," he says, still under the delusion that I want him to speak to me. "Austin's like super popular with the ladies. Why do you think the girls don't like me like that?"

I shouldn't. I really, really shouldn't. But, what the hell, when has a bad idea ever stopped me?

"You really wanna know?" I shove his shoulder so he looks at me. "You REALLY wanna know why girls don't like you? Firstly, you're obsessed with your hair. And guys that are obsessed with their hair are NEVER attractive to chicks."

Unconsciously, Jake runs his hand through his messy, no-effort blond locks. "But…but my hair is my best feature. I work all morning to get it to look like this."

"You asked me, and I'm telling you the truth. You'll never get anywhere with hair like that. A girl doesn't want to be in a relationship with a guy who's already preoccupied with his hair. And she DEFINITELY doesn't want to date a guy who has better looking hair than HER."

I cast a critical eye over him. "Secondly, you need to do something about your clothes."

"My what? What's wrong with my clothes?" He frowns at me.

"I'll tell you EXACTLY what's wrong with them. Unless you're in a chart-topping punk rawk band OR you're an eccentric art major, NO guy can pull off bright purple skinny jeans and a faux-argyle polo shirt. Get yourself something a little more respectable, like Old Navy jeans and a couple of Threadless tees. Maybe some khaki shorts. And please, PLEASE ditch the canvas man-purse and those ratty Converses you had your "homeboy" draw all over during homeroom in tenth grade. You're in college now. It's time to get a life outside of this little fantasy world."

He opens his mouth to object, but I'm not letting him get a word in.

"And why do you always pretend not to know how to play the guitar? You're not "just learning". I've heard you play in the music room off the gym workout room, and you're GOOD. Stop lying and TELL people how good you REALLY are. Do you men even know how aggravating it is that you pretend to be someone you're really not? And then you act so confused when we break up with you because you're not the person we were attracted to in the first place. Just freakin' BE who you really ARE, and then maybe someone will fall for you BECAUSE of who you are."

Jake just sits and stares, open-mouthed. Which looks even stupider because of his pirate moustache and eyepatch.

"God, it's not rocket surgery, dumbass. And shut your mouth, you're attracting insects."

He gives me a funny look. "You're a strange girl, you know that? Really strange."

I shrug. "Sometimes, all you need is for someone to tell you the truth, Count Jake-ula."

"Apparently. So, you wanna do something after Host Club?" He gives me his version of a charming smile, which is rather ghastly if I say so myself.

"Woah there, big boy. Firstly, you've got a LOT of work to do before I'd even CONSIDER giving you a second glance. Secondly, I've got a previous engagement."

Jake's face falls. "Oh, well. Boyfriend?"

"Work study, you twit."

Jake smiles. "Good."

Good? What-freaking-EVER. Austin's the only guy for me. Speaking of…

I turn to ogle him some more. God, he's so cool. I just wanna go up to him and suck his face off. That'd show all of those skanks who are touching his perfect body. MINE.

Out of habit, I steal a glance at Hikaru and Kaoru. As usual, they are wrapped around each other in the throes of piratey passion, to the glee of their little fan club. Some girls are just pathetic, the way they obsess over guys.

Then I see one of my old Orientation team members trying to sneak out of the room, and doing a very bad job of it. Why would she…oh, yes. I think I know why.

I get up and casually walk to the door, winking at Austin as I pass his table (and gaining one smile. A smile for ME, not for any of the others. ME ME ME.) and laying a hand on the room's doorknob before she can reach it. "Going somewhere, Bridget?"

Caught out, she gives me a very, very fake smile. "Not at all, darls," she smarms in her fake Euro accent. "I was just hoping to leave the room without disturbing the peace."

I smile at her as sweetly as I can. "Hey, you wanna know what would keep MY peace undisturbed? If you coughed up the club admission fee you owe for this month."

She drops the charade and sneers at me. "It'll get to you soon, Janae (she pronounces it "Janny"). Don't push me about it."

"Good, because I'd hate to have to tell your boyfriend Chaz what I saw you and Brad Northley doing in the fitness room last Wednesday."

Her mouth drops open.

You know, it really pays to have a roommate who thrives on gossip.

"Fine," she hisses at me. "I'll have it tomorrow. Bitch."

"Thank you, twatsicle. Now, get out of my face before I'm forced to rip yours off and wear it like a mask. And my name is JANAE."

She leaves in a huff. But a hurried huff. Dude, I'm totally ON today.

"Kaoru, Hikaru, behave yourselves. I'm going to work study."

-=+=-

Kaoru nudged Hikaru in the ribs. "Now's our chance. Let's follow her and see what REALLY happens when she's working," he whispered.

"Aa, a little spy work on our part might be fun." Hikaru tugged at his ruffled pirate shirt with distaste. "I wish I had worn all black today."

Upon leaving the Host room (with apologies to the overeager young ladies who were distressed to see them go) they trailed Janae to the Facilities office, where they hid behind a conveniently-placed garbage can and watched her sign in and check the chore folder.

"Great," she groaned. "Trash and Mop duty. Geoff just loves me today."

"Who's Geoff?" Hikaru whispered.

"I dunno, someone she works with?" Kaoru answered. "Look, she's leaving, let's follow her."

They crossed campus back to Rayburn, following Janae to the janitor supply closet.

"See anything out of the ordinary, Kaoru?"

Kaoru frowned. "Not yet…"

For an hour they skittered behind her, watching carefully as she rebagged trash cans, and lugged them out to the Dumpster. The next half-an-hour she mopped first lobby. Then she checked the cans again.

At last, Hikaru was exhausted and irritable. "Are you satisfied yet, Kaoru? Nothing's happened for the last two hours. And I'm hungry."

"Well…" Kaoru was not quite convinced. "I guess there's nothing going on after all."

Janae wheeled to face their hiding spot. "Good," she shouted at the innocent-looking vending machine, "Now will you both leave me alone so I can concentrate on work?!"

Hikaru and Kaoru slunk, guilty-faced, from behind the machine. "Did you know the whole time?" asked Kaoru.

"Yeah, I'm clever like that. Now, go away and stop worrying for no reason."

With a smile of triumph, Hikaru grabbed Kaoru by the upper arm and pulled him away. "We're going to dinner, then. See you later, Janae."

Kaoru struggled for words. "B-but…Hika…she…uh…" He noticed then how grim-faced Hikaru really was. "Oh, okay then. We'll go to dinner. Bye, Janae." They walked out quickly and relatively quietly.

Janae blinked in surprise at their sudden surrender. "Um. Good riddance?"

As soon as they were out of the building, Hikaru released Kaoru's arm. "You're right, Kaoru. Something's very wrong." Hikaru stared at the door they had just exited from. "I can tell, too. We're going to have to get back in and REALLY follow her this time."

"Yeah, okay. And I think we might need a little help from someone higher up, if you know what I mean."

"Sounds good to me. Let's go."

-=+=-

Thank all that is holy, they've finally left. Those boys drive me totally 100% crazy.

GOD, standing here mopping SUCKS ASS. I swear I would slit my wrists right now if I could, but Geoff would probably make me keep working anyways.

"Hello, Janae." Speaking of Geoff, he's apparently standing right behind me.

I start to turn, but I feel an arm snake around my waist. OH MY GOD.

"What the hell? Geoff, let me go, you pedophile!" I bring my elbow back into his ribs sharply, and he grunts, but doesn't let me go. His arm tightens around me, and it begins to get tough to breath.

Oh my God, he's assaulting me. This is so surreal, it's like it's not even happening.

"I thought I told you the facilities meeting yesterday was mandatory," he growls in my ear. I can feel his hot, foul breath against my cheek. "Where the hell were you, you little slutbag?"

I can't panic. I can't panic right now. "I told you, I had class that day, I'm not allowed to skip. Now let me go."

He laughs, and it makes shivers go up my spine. His free hand slides up my body and grabs my hair. "Do you know," he rasps, "what I'm capable of? I can get you expelled from here. I can get you banned from every worthwhile college on the face of the Earth. And…" he jerks me around a little, "and I can sure as hell screw you into the ground and get away with it."

"Geoff, let me GO." I bring my foot sharply down on his instep, and at the same time swing my head back and smash against his nose with a sick CRACK sound.

He barks sharply with pain, but doesn't let go. "You little BITCH, you BITCH, I'll teach you a lesson you won't forget, this is a lesson you'll NEVER forget."

He releases my waist, and I try to pull away but he yanks me back by my hair, and I scream from the pain.

"SHUT UP, you whore, you BITCH, I'm gonna SCREW you, and then maybe I'll KILL you, how would you like that? Shut your mouth, or else you're dead meat."

I try to squirm away from him, but my head aches where he's yanked me, and I'm scared to try and run.

"Did you forget that I can do whatever I want?" He laughs in a very chilling way. "Since I'm screwing Tashira Havenson right under her husband's nose, I can get away with anything. The school won't want to lose its top beneficiary, will they, Janae?" And he pulls me close to him by my hair.

Oh my God oh God oh God oh God, someone help me. Please, someone help me. He's grabbing me, he keeps touching me, he won't let GO, someone HELP ME.

Suddenly, a shadowed figure comes into my line of vision. "Let her go."

Make that two. "Let go of Janae. Right now."

Geoff stands up straight. He does not let me go. "Beat it, kids, unless you want me to get you expelled."

Through the haze of pain and fear, I can distinguish that the two guys standing there are Hikaru and Kaoru. Their faces are stony. "Guys, GET HIM!" I scream. "Get this worthless son of a bitch!"

-=+=-

Kaoru was the first to move. He came forward so swiftly he was a blur, and grabbed Geoff's hand in a powerful clench.

Surprised at the suddenness of the grab, Geoff released Janae's hair and she fell to the floor.

"Hey, listen up, asshole. We don't want-"

With the starling speed of a cat, Hikaru darted forward and planted a fist into Geoff's solar plexus.

"…you to ever mess with our Janae-"

As Geoff fell backwards, Kaoru drew back his leg and kicked him square in the left knee, which broke with a sickening POP sound.

"Ever again!" they completed together.

With a shriek of pain, Geoff flew across the room before hitting the wall with a thud and sinking to the floor. The drywall was cracked where he had made his impact.

All this Janae observed, with wide eyes, from her place on the floor

"Come on, Janae-tan. You can get up now." Kaoru offered her a hand.

Janae picked herself up unsteadily. Kaoru wrapped an arm around her shoulders and walked her away from Geoff. Hikaru remained, keeping an apathetic eye upon their enemy.

Geoff glared at them with bloodshot eyes. "I'll…get you…" he gasped, "for this."

"No," said Hikaru with a grim smile. "I don't think you will."

Geoff coughed a little, grimacing at the pain it causes through his body. "What…do you…mean?"

A man stepped into Geoff's line of vision. "What he means, sir, is that Tashira Havenson is no longer a supporter of Catacombs College. As of today, I am Catacombs top beneficiary. My wife will be served with divorce papers, and she won't get a penny, thanks to all I've seen you do and say to that poor girl. So your threats are now made in vain. If I were you, I'd keep my mouth shut."

Geoff's eyes got very wide. "M-Mr Havenson?"

The older man next to Hikaru nodded. "Thanks to these boys, I now have eyewitness accounts of your assault on that girl, as well as a confession by you of my wife's extramarital affair. I'd say you won't be making anyone clean toilets for a long time in prison, boy."

"No." Geoff's eyes grew dark with fury. "NO. This isn't happening. I won't let this be my fate." He struggled to get up, but shifting his knee made him mewl with pain, and he fell back to the ground, all the fight gone from his body. "I swear, you'll all pay for this," he snarls.

Hikaru smirked at the man laying against the wall, then turned around. "He's all yours, gentlemen," he called down the hall to campus security.

As the two Rent-a-Cops stepped past Hikaru and Mr Havenson to reach Geoff, Hikaru patted the old man on the shoulder. "Thank you, Havenson-sama, for your cooperation."

"I'm glad you boys knew where to find me." Mr Havenson took Hikaru's hand and shook it. "Thanks to you, this man is going to prison. That girl owes you her life."

"No." Hikaru turned to catch up with Kaoru and Janae. "That girl doesn't owe us a thing."

-=+=-

Kaoru is walking me back to the Music room. His arm is on my shoulder, which is nice, I guess. If only my scalp didn't ACHE so much, I could THINK about what just happened.

"So, um, what happens to Geoff now?" I ask him, trying to break the silence.

Kaoru doesn't look at me. "With any luck, he gets raped in prison."

Oh, well that's just lovely. Thanks for those words of encouragement.

I keep looking at Kaoru. "Hey. Um, thanks."

His hand squeezes my arm protectively, but he also blushes a little. "That's okay, Janae-tan. I'm glad he didn't do anything terrible to you."

"I'm just glad you guys were there. Even after I was a jerk and told you to leave." I brush my hair from my eyes. I guess I've been crying or something, because my cheeks are wet. "So yeah. Thanks."

Now he DOES look at me. "Naa, Janae-tan?"

"Mmm?"

"Please stop talking."

I laugh. "Okay, I'll take a hint."

He walks me back to the Music Room, where I sit and wait as he makes me a cup of tea. In a minute, Hikaru will show up and then maybe they'll tell me all about what just happened.

I guess the Hitachiins DO have a use, after all. I mean, I'm kinda GLAD they were looking out for me.

So, anyways, I have no idea what work study's gonna be like now. Apparently Geoff's going to prison? I sure hope Hikaru can explain it to me.

This is Janae, signing off for now.

(oh, hey, before you get any ideas: just because they saved me, it doesn't mean I LIKE them or anything. Just letting you know.)

(I think)

-=+=-

A/N: Well! It's certainly been a busy week! I'd like to apologize for such a long wait for this update, and for the general roughness of this chapter ( I wrote it in 45 minutes) AND for the length (9 word doc pages!) but THANKS for sticking it out, PLEASE feel free to critique, thanks to have-a-cookie and ILuvH&K for explaining the review response thing to me :D And thanks for reading! I honestly love you all, more than you could ever know. Kisses!


	6. Chapter 6

Hey, Janae here. Wow. Things have been pretty crazy up here on Catacombs.

So, Geoff's in major legal trouble. Mom is major pissed about the whole thing and says she'll take him to court in a heartbeat, but I don't think I'm gonna press charges.

Hikaru told me about how they found out Haverson was at the school for a board of trustees meeting, (as a matter of fact, he's donated his own fair share of money to Catacombs…specifically, to the facilities management department! Ironic, right?) and then pulled him OUT of the meeting to come and talk to who they thought was a disgruntled employee: me.

However, in a caramel-covered, bacon-bit sprinkled nugget of sweet karma, they walked in on Geoff's little "intervention"…and then performed an intervention of their own.

The matter was brought to the attention of the school, who promptly fired Geoff. After learning of his termination, several other facilities girls stepped forward with harassment lawsuits against him.

Mr Havenson, who actually had suspected that his wife was cheating on him, served Tashira with divorce papers. She didn't get a dime after the trial. Upon hearing about Geoff's multiple indiscretions, she dropped him and ran off with some trashy male supermodel, claiming, "I never realized what Geoff was doing. If I had known, I never would have picked him up in the first place."

Yeah, right.

Apparently, (but this is according to a trashloid I read in the checkout line at Wal-Mart) the two met by chance at an important business meeting which Mr Havenson had brought Tashira along for. When Geoff saw her, cash signs went off in his eyes. When she saw him…well, the jury's still out of why she EVER found him attractive.

Mom's pestering me to take him to trial, and people on campus look at me funny; apparently I'm an incidental celebrity.

All this on top of my midterms. Best four years of my life, my ASS.

However, things aren't ALL so bad. I was informed by financial aid that since Geoff had overworked me so frequently (and in part to compensate for the whole, you know, sexual harassment thing) that they would go back over the books and pay me double-and-a-half for all my logged hours, which pretty much makes up for all the EXTRA hours Geoff made me work, with a little extra thrown in. They also let me cut back my hours to ten a week, and I have a new work supervisor (THANK GOD) who has informed me she pretty much doesn't care WHAT I do as long as it looks like I'm busy. So work has been, dare I say, almost tolerable these past few days.

However, there's the little matter of the Japanese twin team.

I kinda just noticed it, but they seem to have a weird competition going on to see who can annoy me the most. I thought that maybe, after this whole Geoff thing (what with them saving me and everything) that things might be a LITTLE different between us.

Oh, they're different, alright. NOT the kind of different I'm happy about.

So, this morning I woke up with my hands duct-taped together. Written on the tape (in very poor English lettering) were the words "Good Moring, Jana. See yu at brekfass, lov Hikaru." I had to bite through the tape to get free, and was late for my chem lab.

I had a chance to grind my knuckles into Hikaru for that little stunt during Host Club that afternoon, but Kaoru was ready and waiting. He nuggeted my backpack, (and for those of you who don't know what that is, then SHAME ON YOU.) which I don't think anyone has done to me since fifth grade.

By this point, I was pretty pissed at the both of them, but I got them back with my best prank, "Hey, does this ice cream smell funny to you? SPLAT!" Vanilla soft-serve up both their noses went a long way to making me feel better about myself.

Then, when I got into bed (where I am writing this right now) I felt something cold and slick against my bare feet. I spazzed out and threw back the covers…to discover a pile of ketchup packets at the bottom of my sheets. They all had kanji on them.

What the gay? These Japanese are so messed up. Honestly, I don't know what to do about them.

Oh, and even MORE important, there's Austin. I'm not sure what the problem is, but he's been acting kind of weird around me. Like, half the time it's like he likes me, and then half the time he pretends I don't exist. I'm getting pretty goddam sick of it.

Today at Host Club he touched my arm (!) as he passed my table (where I was seated with Jake yet again) and smiled. A really soft smile, sort of curly around his teeth and ALL FOR ME. Suck on that, hos!

But then he ignored me the rest of the day. Is he playing hard to get or something? Is he trying to be a mystery man, or maybe he's fluctuating between fear of commitment and his true feelings…

God, why are men so COMPLICATED?

Yikes, I hear the sing-song of Japanese voices, and a thump that surely is a fainting freshman. It would appear the Hitachiins are back on my hall.

-=+=-

The twins flung open Janae's door and burst into the room. "Get up, Janae-tan! Let's go!"

Janae groaned and pulled the covers over her head. "Ichi, don't call me that. Ni, NO. I don't wanna go anywhere with you."

"Aw, come on," whined Hikaru. "There's techno playing in the gym-"

"-and people bouncing around with glowsticks, and we want you to come," Kaoru finished.

This revelation made Janae sit up straight. "There's a rave in the gym? Alright, let me find my trance rags, and we'll go," she said with some interest.

Kaoru raised a hand. "Gomen, Janae, but what is "trance rags?"

Janae rolled off the bed and began rummaging in a pile of clothes on the floor. "Trance rags are clothes you would wear under blacklight that look cool while you're jumping around, jump around, jump up jump up and get down," she explained.

Hikaru glanced down at himself. "Are we wearing trance rags?"

Janae cast a critical eye at the boys. Per her opinions on what respectable college boys should wear, they were both clad in identical polo shirts and loose jeans. "You both look alright -thank goodness you dressed the way I told you to- but you're not quite blacklight material."

Kaoru's face became distressed. "I want to wear the trance rags! Can we have some, Janae?"

Her face lit up. "Are you asking me to dress you? Sweet!"

Hikaru smirked. "Careful, Janae, that sounds a little hentai to me."

She glared at him. "Shut it, Hikaru-cchi. Do you want to look cool for the girls, or not?"

Kaoru slapped a hand across Hikaru's mouth before he could say more. "Yes! Yes, we do!"

"Let me see what I have that you can wear, then."

-=+=-

After fifteen minutes of intense searching, I finally put together two outfits for them that, personally, I'm pretty proud of. Hikaru's wearing a black tank top with red daisy dukes and a grey beanie, and Kaoru is dressed in my tightest white tee with a green tank over it.

They seem a little uncomfortable; they keep tugging at the edges of their shirts, and Hikaru keeps covering his thighs. Epic hilarity factor.

"I thought you hated boys wearing girl clothes," Hikaru frowns at me.

"This is a rave. Anything goes." I twirl for them. "How do I look?"

In spite of myself, I actually feel pretty rad. I bought a black glow "I *heart* DJ" shirt off eBay a while back, which is super tight and accentuates all my best accentuaties, and a white denim miniskirt which completes the glow effect. I used my darkest kohl around my eyes, and then colored my lips with a white lipstick and then yellow highlighter. I cut off an old pair of fishnets and am wearing them like fingerless gloves. All in all, I feel SHMEXY, BITCH.

Karin comes into the room and squeals, "Oh my GOD, you look so CUTE. Let me take your picture!"

The boys seem eager to leave at this suggestion, but there's no way I'm letting them get out of this one after the ketchup packets. "Sure, Karin, we'd be OVERJOYED to have our picture taken." I hook an arm around both of their necks and pull them close. "Wouldn't we, boys?"

"Oww, be gentle with my neck," Hikaru groans on my right side. "I use it on occasion."

Kaoru winces on the left. "Hurry up and take the stupid picture."

"Okay, ready? Smiiiiiile," Karin chirps as she lifts my camera.

I smile, the boys don't.

"Come on," Karin pouts at them. "It's no fun if you don't smile."

Hikaru rolls his eyes, and opens his mouth to object, when I feel Kaoru reach around me with his spare arm and tap him lightly. "Mai waifu," Kaoru whispers to him.

Um, what?

Hikaru's face splits in a real smile. "Okay, Janae-tan, we'll make this a nice picture for you."

Oh, SHIT. Something's up.

"Karin, take the picture NOW," I urge her.

She lifts the camera, as the boys straighten up and wrap their arms around me, "Hai, Karin, take the picture!" They smile brightly.

I shrug to myself. _Oh well, what's the worst they can do?_

She puts her finger on the button. "Say Double D's!"

Then, as I smile at the camera, I feel them PLANT THEIR LIPS AGAINST MY CHEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-click-

Karin's face is slack. "Uhhhhhh…"

OH MY GIDDY GOD'S STRIPED TROUSERS, I WAS JUST ATTACKED.

"Get OFF of me, you weirdos," I sputter, pushing them away and turning so they can't see how hot my face is. "We're gonna miss the good stuff if we don't go soon."

THEY JUST KISSED ME. I've been VIOLATED.

"ByeKarinseeyoulatergottago," I babble, walking out of the room quickly. A very smug Hikaru and Kaoru follow behind me.

Karin stands rooted to the floor. She stares at the camera screen until the stunned face of Janae flashes away. "…that girl is so effing lucky."

-=+=-

The bass was so loud, it made Janae's teeth hum before she was even in the gym. She threw open the gym door and with relief folded into the warm crowd of jumping college students. Lights flashing, strobing, glow sticks flashing in the air and twirling around the gym, the blue-white of people's shirts, socks and teeth popping up in the always-moving black formless amalgamation of bodies. The song thumped and whined and blipped on and on and on into the colored darkness.

Hikaru and Kaoru squeezed and nudged through the sweaty masses together. "Where did she go?"

"What?" Hikaru leaned closer to Kaoru. "Say again!"

Kaoru put his face to his brother's and shouted in Japanese. "I said, where did she go?"

"I don't know if we'll be able to find her in all this," Hikaru shouted back.

Kaoru glanced over his brother's shoulder and saw two girls who had stopped dancing and were watching the twins expectantly, clutching each other for support. "We've got fans watching, Hikaru."

With a sigh, Hikaru switched roles into host mode. "Dance with me, Kaoru." He took his brother's hand and began to swing his hips to the beat.

Kaoru tried to back away but was pushed into Hikaru's body by the bouncing people surrounding them. "Ie, Hikaru, there are too many people here…"

Hikaru laughed. "No worries, Kaoru; shinpai shinaide. All that matters is…" and he placed his hands on Kaoru's hips. "…me…" and began to sway Kaoru.

-thump, thump-

The girls dropped to the floor, overcome with moe-ness. The boys grinned and began to worm through the crowd again, searching for Janae.

Kaoru's eyes shifted to the left. "Hey, Hikaru, I see her!"

Hikaru twisted. "Where?"

Kaoru grabbed his hand and tugged him through the tightly packed bodies. "Come on!"

The music pounded, the atmosphere was thick with sweat, and colored lights flashed everywhere, but Kaoru pulled Hikaru closer and closer to where he had spotted Janae.

Pushing past two guys flinging glowsticks, Kaoru laughed with relief as he clapped a hand on Janae's shoulder. "Janae-tan, you shouldn't run off."

Hikaru stepped in front of her. "Are you going to teach us to dance, or not?"

Janae did not answer. Her face was blank, her eyes dull.

"Hmm?" Hikaru snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Janae, you okay?"

No reply. Janae stared slackly through Hikaru. When he looked to Kaoru for help, Kaoru was also staring at something behind Hikaru.

"What's going on?" Hikaru turned to see what-

"Is that _Griffiths_? What the hell?"

"I-I…" Janae gulped. "I'm going to go now."

Hikaru swung back around to look at her. "Wait, Janae, it doesn't matter." He put an arm around her. "We can pretend it never- OW!"

With a howl, Hikaru tried in vain to pull his fingers from Janae's clenched fist. "Don't touch me," she snarled. "MEN are nothing but APE SCUM." She pushed Kaoru away and fled from the rave.

"W-wait, Janae!" Hikaru reached for her as she began to run.

Kaoru blocked him. "Don't," he said into Hikaru's ear. "Let her cool off before we try to help out."

"But she-"

Kaoru smiled sadly."…is a girl who prefers to deal with things herself. Let it be for tonight, please?"

Growling, Hikaru shut his eyes in frustration. "-she has our clothes and room keys and stuff back in her room, Kaoru."

Kaoru's words crashed around him. "Oh…yeah. Um." He looked up at his brother sheepishly. "We're gonna have to pick the lock again, aren't we?"

Hikaru sighed. "Yup."

-=+=-

Yeah, I felt stupid running away from the rave and the twins. But not half as stupid as I felt standing there watching Austin.

Grinding with Bridget Lomendd.

Not accidental, if his hands on her hips told me anything. Not undesired, if the looks on their faces were any indication.

That BITCH. How could he do this with HER? HOW COULD HE, after all he's put me through?

At least they were so busy together they didn't see me watching. Thank God for SMALL favors, I guess.

I feel empty. Stupid men.

Stupid Bridget.

Stupid me for liking stupid Austin in the first place.

Hmm, the twins left their stuff in the room. I'd better drag it all into the commons so they can get it.

-dragging-

I'm locking the door tonight. I didn't think I could want to see them any less than before, but I can apparently.

God, why? WHY is my life like this? WHY can't I catch a break?

Oh turdy turd turds. If I was the suicidey type, I'd gulp all my vitamin D tablets and hope to overdose. But I'm not.

So, I'm just going to fall asleep and try to forget this whole traumatic episode of my life.

G'night.

-=+=-

A/N: So, I had midterms two solid weeks. Then I literally slept through fall break weekend. Then I had ANOTHER week of midterms. So, yeah, so updatey. Sorry, [loyal?] readers. Hope I didn't make you stress out checking for new chapters (haha, yeah right) and if this ever happens again, I'll try to give warning. Thanks for sticking with me. I knew I loved you all for a reason. Kisses!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: For not complaining about lack of updates, I reward you with another update! Hooray!

-=+=-

A timid knocking on the door made Karin spin her desk chair to look at Janae's bed. "Look, can't we just give them their stuff so they'll leave? I thought you were going to leave their stuff out in the hall for them. It's the nice thing to do."

Janae's muffled voice rose from the piled-up bed sheets. "NO."

Karin crossed her arms. "Why are you being like this? You shouldn't take out your anger on them because of something that stupid Austin did to you."

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"You can't avoid life forever, Janae."

"Says who?"

Knock, knock. Karin sighed. "Either I give them their things, OR I'll just let them in to get it themselves. Your choice."

Silence, then Janae groaned. "Give them their stuff and then make them leave."

"Good girl." There was another quiet knock on the door as Karin picked up the twin's bags. "Your kindness will be rewarded in the Afterlife."

"Bite the Afterlife, Karin."

Karin clicked the lock, and eased the door open. "Here, you can have your stuff, but Janae said she doesn't want to…oh."

Jake stood rather awkwardly in the hall. "Um, so should I leave or something?"

"Hey Jake." Karin leaned into the room. "It's not the twins, it's Jake."

Janae groaned louder. "Even worse. Tell him to leave."

Karin frowned. "Sorry, Janae's not feeling well, Jake. Can I take a message?"

Jake shifted from one foot to the next. "I was wondering if she'd like to go down the mountain to get some Taco Bell or something?"

"Like a date?" Janae mumbled from the pile of blankets.

"Sure, if you want to think of it like that."

Her answer was loud and clear. "NO. The male race can go to hell, for all I care."

Karin rolled her eyes. "Sorry, Jake. I'll go with, if you want."

Jake shrugged it off. "Sounds fine. I'll wait for you in Old Scot parking lot, okay?"

"Sounds alright. Be right out." Karin shut the door and stomped over to Janae's bed. Throwing off the covers, she fixed Janae with her angriest face. "You're acting like a BABY. You aren't even DATING Austin, you shouldn't care THIS much. And you were a total jerk to Jake. Stop acting like this, RIGHT NOW."

Janae remained unfazed. "Firstly, I have every right to act like a jerk because I AM one. Secondly, you weren't the one who saw YOUR dream man GRINDING on Ms. Skankity Slutslut. Thirdly, I don't give an At's rass about Jake. Now leave me alone."

Karin sighed. "Janae, I like you, but you are impossible to deal with." She crossed the room, grabbed her purse, and walked to the door. "I'm going to enjoy a delicious BlackJack taco with a cute guy and YOU'RE buried under your covers moping about a stupid boy who never even SAID he liked you as more than a friend, and whom you never told you actually liked. Now, who's going to have a better night?"

Karin slammed the door, leaving Janae alone in the quiet room. For a moment, she lay on her back and contemplated the many ways she knew she could kill herself.

"Why does my life insist on sucking so bad?"

-=+=-

In the morning, however, I began to understand why I've been so miserable.

"Oh, boy. That time of the month, huh?" I sigh. "Sometimes being a girl is tough."

Karin looks over from her desk. "Good morning, sleepy."

"Karin," I say before she can continue, "I'm sorry I was so rude to you and Jake last night. Okay?"

She blinks at me like a stunned goldfish. "Well, I wasn't expecting an apology this early, but yeah, we're cool."

Grabbing the still-forgotten backpacks from the floor, I head over to the closet to throw something on. "I'm gonna go talk to the twins and Jake before class. See you in a few."

Karin stares after me. "What's gotten into you? You're so…CIVIL."

Leaving the room and walking over to the all-male section of the building, I wonder to myself: Am I really as bad as everyone says I am?

As if to answer my question, a guy walking through the commons coming towards me looks up, panics, and crosses to the opposite side of the room, giving me a scared look.

Whatever.

Upon reaching West North, (yes, that's the real name of their hall) I stood outside, suddenly feeling reluctant to go in.

I pull out my trusty cell phone and text Kaoru, "I'm outside your hall, I've got your stuff. Janae."

Five seconds after I press "send", the phone rings. "Ohayo, Janae-tan! Please come in; everyone's dressed."

"Great." I swipe my campus card and enter their commons. "So male nudity won't be on my confession list this week."

A guy rooting around in the fridge gives me a funny look. "I can fix that for you, Sugartits."

"Shove it, dickweed." I stop, and turn to face him. "Men don't hold a position as far as things I like right now, and I'm not afraid to go back to prison." I smile at him. "Get the picture?"

He shuts up.

I walk up to their door. Knock once. Knock twice.

The door opens, and I am attacked by two highly excited Japanese redheads.

"Janae, this is the first time you've ever visited our room!"

"We're so exited, Janae! Come in!"

They clutch me like a rag doll, rubbing their heads against my shoulders. It's so affectionate I could barf.

"Okay, I'll come in. Just get off me."

I enter their room. Nothing remarkable, it's a little cleaner than what I expected. It smells like green tea. Their beds are shoved together to make a king-size, which I think is a little odd, but who am I to judge?

"Looks good." I drop their bags on the floor. "Sorry about your stuff."

Immediately, one of them drops onto one knee, zips open one of the pockets, and produces a key. "There, see Kaoru? I TOLD you it was in the front pocket."

Hang on a sec. "How did you get in here without your room key?"

Hikaru waves me off. "We picked the lock; no big deal."

They PICKED the LOCK? What kind of evil masterminds ARE these guys?

"Sorry, I didn't know you'd left your key behind." I scuff the ground with my toe. "I woulda given you your stuff back sooner…if I'd known…"

Hikaru claps me on the shoulder. "Apology accepted, Janae," he grins at me. "Let's go get breakfast."

"Wait, I'm not done." I push away his hand. "Listen, about last night…well, I'm sorry I ran off. Okay?"

Kaoru shrugs. "Don't worry about it, Janae. You've been forgiven. Now it's time for breakfast."

In spite of myself, I smile. "I'm not going soft or anything, okay? I've just been more of a jerk than usual, so I wanted to make sure you guys weren't heartbroken or anything."

They laugh. "We'll try to control our emotions for you, Janae."

Damn, they're getting too smart for their own good.

-=+=-

Even walking to breakfast, however, proved an emotional roller-coaster that morning. As the twins laughed noisily at something Hikaru had said, Janae suddenly snapped to attention. "Hey, Austin!"

Walking toward them, Austin's face split in an over-the-top smile. "Hey, Nae, what's up?"

Austin nodded vaguely at the twins. "'Sup, Japan," he said as an afterthought to both of them, and neither of them.

Janae smiled brightly and pushed her chest out slightly. "Guess what? I finally found my mailbox key! Can you believe it?"

"No way! It's been, like, a week, right? Where did you find it?"

"I found it in my Tupperware of popcorn kernels."

Austin paused, then grabbed his stomach and roared with laughter. "How do you think…no, I don't want to ruin it by asking!"

Janae giggled. "I have absolutely no idea how, either!"

As the two shared a laugh, the Hitachiin twins observed, unamused, from the sideline.

"Who the hell," remarked Hikaru, "does Griffiths think he is?"

"He is far too friendly," continued Kaoru, "with our dear Janae-tan."

They held up their pointer fingers together and declared aloud, "His intentions are obviously not pure!"

As Janae wiped tears of laughter from her cheeks, she was shocked to find herself hefted up between the twins.

"Onegai, we're sorry, but Janae-tan must go now," they intoned together. "Please leave her alone."

Austin looked surprised, then confused. "Uh, what's going on, Nae?"

Janae was red with embarrassment and fury. "Kao-baka, Hika-baka, put me DOWN!"

The twins smiled pleasantly at Austin. "See you at Host Club later, and remember this: Never talk to Janae-tan again. Arigatou!"

As the twins slid away, holding the angry, flailing, cursing Janae between them, Austin gave her a half-hearted wave. "So, uh, see you later?"

"Not likely!" shouted Hikaru over his shoulder. "Goodbye, Grif."

"Sorry about this, Austin!" Janae managed to call. "We'll hang at the Host Club!"

"Not," said Kaoru, "If WE have anything to say about it."

"You DON'T, because I don't WANT you to. And PUT ME DOWN."

They dropped her in an ungainly heap on the ground outside the cafeteria door. "Fine, then."

"What's the deal, you two?" Janae fumed. "We were just talking."

Hikaru looked at Kaoru. "Can I tell her, or should you?"

Kaoru patted him on the arm. "Go ahead."

"Did you already forget about last night?" Hikaru tapped her on the forehead. "Austin is a…" he faltered. "What's the word, Kaoru?"

"I think the term is "playa", Hikaru."

"Austin is a playa, Janae. Do you want to be played?" He shook his head. "I don't think you do."

Linking elbows, the brothers continued up to the cafeteria.

Janae's face was distraught. "But…but maybe I DO want to be played. Just a little," she whispered to herself.

-=+=-

Classical music. The clink of teacups. The rustle of nice clothing. The excited high chatter of female voices, the gentle drone of lower male voices.

Host club is fully underway.

Jake, however, has not showed up. I didn't see him all day at class either.

Jeez, how am I supposed to apologize to him if I never see him? First I can't get rid of him, now that I want him I can't find him.

Men.

Oh, and Austin? Yeah, screw him. He's been ignoring me the whole time we've been here.

Stupid twins meddling in my business, chasing him off.

Interrupting the clamor of voices, Kaoru stands up and claps his hands. "May I please have your attention? I just wanted to remind everyone that tomorrow the host club is meeting at Cool Beans for coffee and poetry. Also, don't forget the Sadie Hawkins Dance is coming up; if you want to ask a host, I suggest you do it now."

He sits down next to Hikaru, and immediately three girls swarm around them. "Hikaru, Kaoru, would you like to come with us to the Sadie Hawkins dance?"

Hikaru holds up a hand. "Sorry, ladies, but we're already being escorted."

Immediately their faces drop. "Oh, well." said one. "There's always next year."

Alright, I'll admit I'm a little jealous. Who's the quick chick who asked them already?

My attention, however, is drawn to Austin standing up, stretching (and flexing a little…yum) and excusing himself from the room.

Now's my chance. I can't live like this; I have to know for sure. I'm going to ask him if he…well…

Jeez, I feel like I'm in middle school.

Whatever. I get up and run out the door to catch him in the hall. "Austin, wait!"

He turns. "Hm? Whutup, Nae?"

I look him square in the eye. "Austin, tell me the truth. Is there any future for…well, for an "us?"

He stares at me in an awkward way. "Uh, what?"

God, men are clueless. "You and me, Austin. I mean, are you at all interested in being friends with benefits?"

His face clears. "Oh."

Oh? Oh? What in the hell does THAT mean?

He clears his throat. "Okay, Janae, here's the deal…"

My heart is in my throat. _What is it? What is it?_

-=+=-

A/N: CLIIIIIIIFF-HANGER! HANGING FROM A CLIFF! AND THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED CLIFFHANGER!

Tee hee. Hope you're enjoying the slight, _slight _development in the story. Could Austin come back into the picture romantically? Who is the mystery girl escorting Hikaru and Kaoru to the SH Dance? Where could Jake be during this period of tension? Just how much DO clothes shrink if you tumble-dry them the whole way?

These questions and more will be answered in the next installment of OCH. Tune in Saturday for the semi-exciting mini-arch conclusion!

And, for real, I love you all for your reviews and so-forth. (Hershey) Kisses for all!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I hate myself for copping out on y'all. OCH chapter eight is only half-finished with eight whole pages, so I'm mini-chaptering it AGAIN. The next bit'll be up by Monday at the latest (hopefully. I have exams this week, and then first semester is OVER). Hope this tides you over, and I PROMISE to start answering the unanswered questions. Love you! *kisses*

-=+=-

Austin clears his throat. "Okay, Janae, here's the deal."

My heart is in my throat. _What is it? What is it?_

"I used to be interested in you."

That sound you hear is my heart crashing into my guts like an airplane into the Pacific.

He plows on. "But the twins warned all of us hosts off you. Told us never to mix business and pleasure, or some bullcrap."

I'm going to kill them. "No, it's no big deal to ME if-"

Austin doesn't stop. "And I was kind of disappointed, but after spending all this time with you in Host Club, I have to agree they had the right idea."

THAT makes the warning signs pop up. "Um, what?"

He shrugs. "From what I've seen of you, I don't think you're my type, Nae. You're funny and all, but you're a real bitch, you know what I mean?"

Take two of heart to guts. "What?"

-=+=-

Kaoru shifted his weight on the couch, leaning past his brother to watch the door. "Janae's out there."

"Hmm." Hikaru shrugged.

"With Austin."

He stiffened. "Hnn."

"Maybe we'd better go take a look and see if they're okay."

Hikaru stood. "You mean, make sure Austin's okay."

"Yeah."

"Just a quick peek."

-=+=-

"What?"

"Anyways, I think it'd be best if you and I just-"

"What?!"

He frowns a little. "I'm saying I think we'd better-"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"

His eyes widen. "Hey, calm down, Nae. I didn't mean-"

"You're dead, Grif. You are DEAD." Hmm, everything's gone red.

"I'm effing SICK of being called a bitch. NOBODY is gonna call me a bitch anymore, you got it? NO-effing-BODY." Yeah, definitely red; everything's a little wobbly too.

"Especially not YOU, you whiny, uncouth, MAGGOTY, SELF-LOVING FEMME."

Austin looks a little scared. "Janae, you're freaking me out. Calm down, yeah?"

I stare him in the eye. "Listen, and listen good, Grif. Within the next twelve hours, I WILL get my revenge. Don't bother trying to protect yourself. Wherever you are, I will get you. And you'll know it was me when it happens."

He crosses his arms. "Oh, is that a fact, Janae?"

"Yes." I make my voice as steely as I can. "That's a fact."

He drops the tough-guy act. "Shit. You're serious."

I grab my cell phone from my pocket. "Let the record show it is now 4:38 pm. Twelve hours, Austin."

He turns and begins to run down the hall. "Shit, shit, shit!"

"You'll be sorry, Grif!" I shout to his back as he runs. "I promise you, you'll be sorry!"

Okay, yeah, maybe I am a bitch. But NOBODY says that to my face. I mean it. Austin and Bridget are going to suffer for this.

"I am SICK of dealing with this crap," I inform the empty hall. "It's about time I used my anger constructively."

A tap on my shoulder alerts me that I'm not as alone as I thought. "Naa, Janae-t-"

"DON'T say it," I cut in, brushing off whichever twin is touching me. "I'm through pretending to be nice. Griffiths is going to suffer. And I need the help of the Hitachiin twins to make it happen."

Hikaru and Kaoru slink into my vision. "Just tell us what we need to do, Oujou."

I have a plan. "I have a plan," I announce.

They lean in expectantly.

"What I need for you two to do is pay off Austin's roommate. Enough to get you two into the room, and enough to keep him quiet about things." I pull out my wallet and thumb through the contents. "Call me once you're in. Don't bribe him over fifty bucks." I chuck a few twenties at them. "I'll go in and dismiss Host Club, then I'm off to the laundry room."

The Hitachiins goggle at me like President Taft in a candy shop. "What are you going to do to him, Janae?"

I smile. "Nothing. It's what HE's going to do to himself."

As the boys run down the hall, I walk back into the Music Room. "Hey, everyone, LISTEN UP."

The room falls silent.

"In light of a personal problem with one of our soon-to-be FORMER hosts, Host Club is shutting down for the day, as of oh-NOW hundred hours."

Against groans from Del and Scott (who as the only two boys left in the room are SURROUNDED by girls), I continue. "I apologize for the inconvenience, and to make it up to you, drinks are on the house tomorrow at Cool Beans. I sure hope you all show up. Now, please, GET OUT."

The girls get up and reluctantly leave the room. Scott also gets up and comes up to me, frowning. "Hey, Janae, what's the big deal? Just because you have some problem with Austin, why you gotta cockblock me and Del?"

God, his voice is annoying. I grab him by the tie and drag him over to where my backpack sits. "Listen up, prawn-boy. I need you to hack the campus intranet and get me into the security camera mainframe."

He doesn't look happy. "How do you know about the security cameras? That's supposed to be privileged info."

I smirk. "Perhaps you've heard of a little thing called eavesdropping? I used to clean in the tech services room. I know a lot of things, Scotty." I pull out my laptop. "Austin is getting only what he deserves. Do you want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?"

Grumbling, he takes the laptop, flips it open, and begins to type. In the meantime, I point at Del. "You are also required in my master plan. Will you help out?"

Under lidded eyes, he nods slowly. Which surprises me. "Sure; Austin's a jerk anyway."

I wasn't expecting him to actually help, but I'm glad he is. "Great." I reach back into my bag, pull out my camera and toss it to him. "I'm pretty sure you know how to use one of these, film-monkey. Get ready to go to the gym."

Scott laughs in a self-satisfied way. "Okay, I've got security camera footage. What are we looking for?"

"Workout room C12 in the gym."

A few clicks, and he hands the laptop to me. "Just two kids making out. You a perv or something?"

It only takes a glance at the video to make me smile. "Right on schedule. Del, get down to that room, get me a couple of shots of them, but DON'T LET THEM SEE YOU. Call me when you get back."

Tapping a few more keys, I pull up the campus laundry room. "Okay, just gotta check and make sure…yep, he's there. I gotta get moving."

Snapping my laptop shut, I shove it back into my bag and hurry out the door.

Scott and Del give each other a "guy" look. "So, what do you think she's up to?"

Scott shrugs and sighs. "All I know is, I never want to be on Janae's bad side."

-=+=-

Janae glanced behind her shoulder to make sure she wasn't being followed, then turned the corner and began to run…smack into someone's chest.

-impact-

From her new place on the floor, Janae strung together a few curse words. "Watch where you're going, you-"

Jake extended a hand. "Hey, chill out Janae. Sorry I ran into you."

"Jake! Where the hell have you been? Oh, wait, I'm sorry!" She grabbed his hand and hefted up. "Really, I'm the one who needs to apologize. I know I've been a jerk, because I'm a jerk for real; but I'm sorry for taking it out on you. Okay?"

Jake's mouth hung open. "Is this real life? I mean, is this actually happening? What did you do with the real Janae?"

Janae crossed her arms. "Look, take it and be grateful. It's the last time I'll ever apologize to you for ANYTHING, I swear."

Leaning back with a smug smile, Jake laughed to himself. "No, no, just let me have this moment…let it soak in."

"Okay, okay, okay. I don't have time to sit here. I'm busy ruining Austin's college life."

"Oh?" Jake gave her a quizzical look. "Good luck then. I think I'd better run away now. You're a danger to others, Janae."

Janae punched his arm. "Yeah, I know. Shut it."

As they continued their separate ways, Jake suddenly shouted, "Hey, Janae, I forgot to ask you something!"Janae turned. "I'm REALLY busy, Jake."

"A family friend is coming here to stay the week with me. Is it cool with you if he hangs out with the Host Club?"

Janae shrugged. "Sure, if you think he won't be freaked out by the idea of a Host Club."

Jake laughed. "Actually, I'm pretty sure it'll be right up his alley. See you, Janae."

"See you." A pause, then Janae called again. "Uh, Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"You look…well, you're less…um, you look…acceptable."

Jake looked down at his clothes. "Oh. Thanks Janae! I went ahead and took your advice about the skinny jeans."

"Good for you. I'm glad someone around here listens to what I say."

Jake waved at her, then turned and continued to walk down the hall. Janae stared after him, but was interrupted by her cell phone buzzing.

She reached into her pocket and flipped it open. "Janae. Go."

The Japanese voices were in perfect sync. "We're in Austin's room. He's doing his laundry."

"I know, I'm on my way. Stay there, I'll be there in five minutes. I have something to do first."

"Hai, Oujou!"

-=+=-

Austin wiped his forehead with the back of his sleeve, and fed a few quarters into the washing machine. It clunked to life, and began to churn and slosh like Pres. Taft's belly after Thanksgiving dinner.

He knew he needed to calm down and get a grip. Janae was possibly crazy, yes, but what could she really do to him? He didn't need to be afraid of her threats.

And yet…

He shook his head in a futile attempt to clear his thoughts. "Come on," he whispered to himself, "it's only been fifteen minutes. If she does anything, it won't be for-"

The laundry room door swung violently open, and in stomped Janae.

Everyone in the room looked up. Austin's eyes almost popped out of his head.

She lifted a finger. "Griffiths, you're DEAD."

Panic seized his body, and he jumped to the closest window, threw it open, and dove out, flopping with relief on the grass underneath him (thank goodness for the ground-floor laundry room, eh?) before scrambling to his feet and running away as fast as he could.

Within the laundry room, Janae dropped her hand and smiled to the remaining college students. "Which washer is his stuff in?"

One guy piped up. "14B"

"Thank you!" Janae, very calmly, walked over to the offending machine. Very calmly, she pressed the CANCEL button, popped the door open, and pulled out his wet clothes. Very calmly, she walked over to a vacant dryer, pushed the clothes in, chucked in some quarters, and shut the door.

With a sudden burst of energy, she violently cranked the heat dial all the way up, until it snapped. The machine shuddered, bounced, then began to run.

All eyes were on Janae as she pocketed the broken dial, smiled smugly at the laundry spinning in the machine, then walked out slowly. The laundry door swung slowly shut behind her, closing with a soft click.

And only then did conversations resume. Austin's laundry would continue to go round and round for a long, long time.

-=+=-

So, I was walking out of the laundry room when Del finally called me. "I got the pictures."

"Good. Meet me down by the new resident hall in fifteen minutes. I'll be right there."

Walking as quickly as I can, I make my way to Nielman Hall (Austin's resident hall) and ride the elevator up to his floor.

The Hitachiins are waiting for me at his dorm room door.

"Hey boys. Move aside." I push past them into the room. "It's party time."

Austin's roommate is sitting at what I assume is his desk, fiddling with a box of caffeine pills. He gives me a funny look. "It's not open dorm hours. I'm letting these weird guys run around in here, but I dunno if I should-"

I pull out my wallet and throw a tenner at him. "You don't speak unless spoken to. Kapice?"

He shuts up.

"Now, Austin's in the sophomore level Rhetoric and Speech class, isn't he?"

"Yes."

"What folder does he use for his stuff for that class?"

"Black one. Top desk drawer."

I move over to the desk. "Aren't they doing their mock-speeches tomorrow?"

His voice is utterly confused. "How do you know about that?"

"Are you answering my question with a question?" I ask him in my quiet-dangerous voice. I pull open the drawer.

"I mean, uh, yeah. Speeches about the greatest President and why. Or something."

The black folder is under a couple of stray pieces of paper. Jackpot. "Perfect. Thanks for your help," I chirp at him with a sunny smile. "If you tell Austin about any of this I'll cut off your face and make a jigsaw puzzle with it, okay?"

I point at the two Hitachiins. "One of you run down to the computer lab. Pick up the essay I'm about to print off on the wireless printer. Bring it back here." I open the black folder and tear out his speech on Grover Cleveland. "Put it in the folder. Replace it in the drawer. Meet me at the dinner hall in about thirty minutes."

Tossing the empty folder at one of the twins (I think Hikaru, but I can't be sure) I exit the room to find a quiet place to begin writing on my laptop, before I rendezvous with Del.

As the door swings shut, Austin's roommate gives the twins a bland look. "So what crawled up her ass and died?"

Hikaru laughs uneasily. "She's a very volatile creature."

"Very opinionated," adds Kaoru. "Stay out of her way."

-=+=-

A/N: As promised, I WILL be updating this story again shortly. Please hang on, things are about to get even stranger!


	9. Chapter 9

: Hello, all you readers!

Hikaru: Where are we? It's like Pee-Wee's Playhouse in here.

Kaoru: *looks around* I'm scared.

Vicky: Don't be. I know exactly what I'm doing. Right now, you are in my imagination! Now, say hello to the nice readers.

Kaoru: Where are they? I can't see them.

Vicky: *pointing* Over here, see? Look out of the hole I just cut into the fourth wall.

Hikaru: …They're all otaku, aren't they?

Kaoru: I'm scared!

Vicky: Shut it. Okay, listen up everybody. Sorry, AGAIN, for not updating when I said I would. I was extremely busy on my end of the laptop, studying for my FINAL EXAMS, which are almost oveR!

H and K: Yayyyyyy. *throwing confetti unexcitedly*

Vicky: The only one I have left is Math, which is gonna suck, but WHO CARES! IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!

K and H: Yayyyyyy. *throwing confetti unexcitedly*

Vicky: I didn't want to disappoint any of you by not updating, so I decided I'd write some quick filler. I'd like to take this opportunity to-

Kaoru: Why is there a hot tub in here anyways? And what's with all the penguins?

Vicky: This is MY imagination, okay? And there's a hot tub and penguins up here sometimes. Deal with it. Anywhoooo, I'm taking this opportunity to answer a couple of questions that you, the readers, have asked more than once. First question, Hikaru.

Hikaru: *opens paper* Vicky, why is Janae such a ***** all the time?

Vicky: Ha! Good question! *holds up pointer finger* Janae is a bitch mostly because I wanted to write from the POV of someone I don't always agree with. Janae shares a lot of my anger towards the world in general, but I'd never say it out loud the way she does! Also, it was a change from my usually-so-sweet Purity Sue characters that I usually do, I'm ashamed to admit. But yeah, it's really pushing me to consistently write a character I'm not always comfortable writing for.

*Kaoru and Hikaru have fallen asleep*

Vicky: NEXT QUESTION, PLEASE?

Kaoru: *jerks awake* Uhhh…Vicky, when are you going to develop the college Host Club idea past the whole Hika-Kao-Janae plot?

Vicky: Well, I haven't really gotten that far in my pre-story planning, but I'm trying to work on expanding the club past its plot device existence. We'll just have to see, won't we? I will tell you that I KNOW this story has started to be more about Janae than Hikaru and Kaoru, and I'm going to be working on that a little more.

Hikaru: Last question. Vicky, who does Janae end up with? Hikaru or Kaoru? *looks at Kaoru* you mean SHE controls our fate?

Kaoru: That's a scary thought.

Vicky: To answer the question at hand, I originally intended to have Vicky end up with Austin, believe it or not. I wasn't aware he was a jerk until the story told me so! But don't any of you worry. I know EXACTLY who Janae falls in love with. But I can't tellllll youuuuu, because it's a surpriiiiiiiise!

Hikaru and Kaoru: Annoying. Stop it, please.

Vicky: Don't tell me what to do! I am the fanfiction-er and you have to do whatever I say, REGARDLESS of whether or not it is canon, or makes sense, or is even any good! So there!

Kaoru: Can we leave now? I left muffins in the oven.

Vicky: Oh, run off then you little killjoys. I don't need you to finish this fic.

Hikaru: Fine then. By the way, don't reach into your pocket.

*H and K run away laughing*

Vicky: Huh? *jams hand in pocket* Oh, GROSS. KETCHUP? *pulls out hand* But, how…?

-=+=-

A/N: No, for real, I've got myself some free time…let's see if I can't write you another chapter in the next few days, hmm? Thanks to you all for your reviews, and for spending time reading my stuff. Love y'all! KISSES!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Oh eM Gee! Oh eM Gee! Great news; be sure to read the authoress notes at the end!

-=+=-

Austin's stomach announced its presence with another growl. He urgently pressed against his belly to try and muffle the sound. It gurgled a little more quietly, but the hunger was beginning to get to him.

Crouching behind a bush, Austin stared across campus at the Dining Hall.

Janae _had_ gone in, of that he was sure. He was also damn sure she hadn't left yet. And he was almost certain there was only one way in -and out- of the building.

(on two of these points, fangirls, he is wrong. But I bet you knew that, ne?)

So, it stood to reason that all Austin would have to do was wait until she left, and then he would be rewarded with his meal. All he needed to do was sit it out.

However, he _really _wished he hadn't left his stuff in the Host room that afternoon. His backpack, his cell phone, his building card, his room key, his wallet…

His stomach interrupted, grumbling with displeasure at his so-called plan.

Absently, he picked up a twig and began to chew, keeping his eyes locked on the door. Any minute now, Janae was sure to leave…

-=+=-

Now, of course you know, Janae was _not_ in the Dining Hall at all. Yes, she had entered the building from the front, in full sight of Austin, flanked by the twins as usual. But she had also left promptly, only pausing to collect her camera from Del.

However, she had not left by the front, as Austin had prepared himself for.

Now, to only have one door in and out of a building is a fire hazard. Austin, typical male that he is, just isn't observant enough to know about or notice the two back doors connected to the kitchen.

Yes, such service doors are typically off-limits, but as a facilities work student, Janae happened to know all about these exits. And when an irate freshman marches through the kitchen, with her head held high and an evil glint in her eye, all the other workers knew better than to try and impend her.

To put it plainly, Austin is, as usual, an idiot, and NOBODY messes with Janae, even when she breaks the rules.

Where are the Hitachiins during all this blatant rule-breaking by Janae, you ask?

They are still in the cafeteria, in the midst of a contest to see who can eat the most disgusting combination of cafeteria foods. There are a ring of students surrounding their table, chanting "Eat! Eat!" at the top of their lungs.

(that actually sounds like a Japanese game show, doesn't it?)

Now, back to the story.

-=+=-

"Let me get this straight." Chaz leans forward in his chair, staring at me with a weird look on his face. "You called me to the Art Barn to tell me my girlfriend has been cheating on me? And that's it?"

I am not happy with this reaction. "That's it? What do you _mean_ 'That's it?', huh? Does NONE of what I just said make you angry?"

"Okay, let's see if I can recap. You say that you saw Bridget grinding with Austin Griffiths at the last rave-a-thon. And that she's fooling around with some guy Brad behind my back?" He crosses his arms. "You sure you've got the right girl?"

I groan to myself. I almost feel bad about ruining his college romance like this…

But then again, all's fair in love and war, yeah?

"Oh, I'm pretty effing sure I've got the right girl." I reach into my bag and pull out my camera. "But why don't you see for yourself?"

I pull up the saved pictures, then toss him the camera. "Read 'em and weep, Chaz."

He smirks at me before his eyes flick down to the digital display.

I almost, ALMOST laugh with utter joy as his face falls in disbelief. Then he frowns, and taps on the screen to zoom in on their faces. Then, he sighs in defeat.

"So how long have you known?" he asks me sadly, as he hands back the camera.

I do my best to look sympathetic. "Not too long. But I coulda told you that she was a major twat from day one."

He stands, flexing his hands angrily. "Thanks for telling me. By any chance do you know where she is right now?"

"As a matter of fact, she should be walking out of the library any minute now. If you hurry, you'll catch her."

He nods. "I won't even ask how you know that. Thanks, I guess."

I throw a fist into the air. "Give the wench what-for, old bean! Tally-ho!"

He stands there for another second, giving me a really strange look. Then he brushes past me and heads out the door. "Whatever. You're really weird, you know?"

"I had an inkling. Now, please, go tell her off."

He's gone. I am so happy, I actually pat myself on the back. "This is working out JUST like I'd hoped."

Appearing from nowhere, Hikaru (or Kaoru?) leans into my field of vision. "So then, is the plan over, Janae-tan?"

"On the contrary, my dear Watson," I say smugly. "The plan has only just been put into motion. Now we sit back and reap the benefits. Also, don't call me that."

Kaoru (or Hikaru?) nods slightly. "Hai."

He does not, however, leave the room. So I try to encourage him to leave: "Is there something you want, or are you just hanging around for show?""Nee, Janae…" (Ah, it must be Kaoru. Only Kaoru would speak so uke-like) "…Janae, do you know what you're wearing to the Sadie Hawkins dance?"

I close my eyes and sigh. I SO don't want to think about this right now. "Gee, Kaoru, I dunno. Maybe I'll decide after I finish with this whole Austin thing and actually get around to, you know, ASKING someone."

He shrugs. "I'm only curious."

"Besides," I continue, "why do you care? You and Hikaru have already been asked." A horrible thought occurs to me. "Oh God, neither of you are cross-dressing and going as a woman, are you? That's too disturbing to think about."

"Oh, don't you know?" He smiles in a way that makes me feel…well, out-of-the-loop. "Well, I'm not going to tell you if you don't know.""Psh, like I care. Run along, bouzo; Okaasan still has a one or two more details she needs to take care of."

Kaoru smiles at me in an upbeat (and entirely infuriating) way. "Did anyone ever tell you that you even more beautiful than usual when you're evil?"

And with that, he disappears.

You know what? Sometimes, I think boys try to throw us women off on purpose. What a weirdo.

But whatever. My plan is beginning to come to fruition; now I'll go and check on Austin's progress in the bushes.

-=+=-

Austin clutched his abdomen and groaned. He wasn't sure how much longer he could wait for Janae to leave the dining hall. His stomach had begun to chew itself with impatience, and he had nibbled enough leaves and twigs to last him a lifetime. Where the hell WAS she?

He was so absorbed with his hunger pangs and watching the door for Janae, he didn't hear the livid _clack, clack, clack_ of two-inch heels approaching him on the footpath.

Two legs suddenly obstructed his vision. "Austin Griffiths, I have been _looking_ for you!"

"Huh?" He looked up in confusion. "Hey, Bridget."

Her eyes were red-rimmed. "Is that all you can say? Don't you even KNOW what has been happening?"

Austin frowned. "Uh, not really. I left my phone in the Host room and Janae kinda went-"

"Chaz just broke up with me!" Bridget exploded. "He said he knew that I've been messing with other guys. And when I told Brad, he said he wanted to keep things casual! Can you believe it?"

"Uhh…" Austin flicked his eyes back to the door. Where WAS she? "Uh-huh. Yeah."

"Austin, you're all I have left." Bridget sobbed. "We're for real, aren't we?"

He craned his neck to peer around her legs at the door. "Hey Brij, no offence or anything, but I'm really kinda busy right now."

_That _was the wrong thing to say. Her eyes narrowed. "You know what? All men care about is sex. You don't actually care that my heart has been broken; all you wanted me for was when you wanted sex, you dick. Well, you know what?"

Austin leaned even farther over to continue staring at the door, _still_ not paying attention. "Uh-huh, uh-huh."

Bridget stomped angrily. "AUSTIN, you're still not paying attention!"

Austin finally focused on her. "Bridget, I haven't been having a good day. Janae threatened to kill me, and I haven't been able to do anything all day without worrying where she is. I haven't eaten dinner yet because she hasn't come out of the dining hall!"

"Austin, you're a moron," Bridget sneered. "There's more than one way out of the building. And Janae isn't in there, I was in there fifteen minutes ago. By the way, the dining hall closes at 8:00. You're late."

"NO!" Austin shouted in disbelief. He jumped to his feet and shoved past Bridget to try and reach the door.

"Thanks for nothing, Griffiths! We're through!" Bridget shrieked at his retreating back. She turned sharply and _click, click, click-_ed away.

Austin flung himself at the door, trying to pry it open, pounding against the glass. "Hey, let me in! LET ME IN!"

To no avail; the kitchen staff watched through the window, but ignored his cries.

"Please, let me in! I'm sorry I'm so late!" He rapped against the glass. "Come on!"

One of the kitchen girls leaned up closer to the window. "Do you have your campus card?" she mouthed at him.

His shoulders dropped. "Oh, shit. No, I don't."

The girl gave him a sympathetic look, then turned away.

"DAMMIT!" Austin kicked the wall. "I can't believe I missed dinner! Now I've got to go back to my hall and eat ramen. This sucks."

-=+=-

I wasn't sure she saw me walking past her in the hall. What a different girl she was now! Her head was slumped, her hair was a wreck, her feet dragged on the ground.

With my two little Japanese friends in tow, chatting to each other in their native tongue, I held my head high as we headed towards each other in the hall.

When she finally looked up, I smiled at her in a friendly way.

And when we finally passed, I leaned closer to her ear and whispered,

"Who's the bitch now?"

I didn't turn back as she spun around to watch me walking away. I didn't get to see her mouth drop open, her eyes widen, her posture sag in defeat.

No, those things were related to me later by Hikaru and Kaoru, who watched it with identical smirks on their face.

I didn't look back, and I never will.

-=+=-

Slowly, scuffing his heels in dejection (and still holding his stomach) Austin slunk back to his dorm building (while still keeping an eye out for Janae; she hadn't gotten him yet) and trudged up the stairs to his floor.

Finally, he pushed open his door with some relief. "Hey, what's up Josh?" he groaned. "Man, I have had the worst afternoon of my life."Austin's roommate looked up from an open textbook. "Dude, you would not believe this. Some girl came into the room with two Asian guys, and PAID me to keep quiet about it. She-"

"WHAT?" Austin crouched low and covered his head, looking wildly around the room. "She was here?! She's been in the room?!"

Josh frowned in confusion. "Yeah, she-"

"IT'S NOT SAFE!" Austin shrieked, and ran out of the room, the hall, the building, and dove once again into the bushes. The only place he felt safe.

-=+=-

As soon as we were safely ensconced in my dorm room, I turned on the boys. "Alright you two. Time to come clean. Tell me who's taking you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance."

Hikaru chuckled to himself, and linked arms with Kaoru. "Aha, Janae. I knew you couldn't resist asking after too long."

"Cut the crap. I just wanna know who beat me to it."Hikaru instantly struck a dramatic pose. "Ah, the truth comes out, Kaoru: she's jealous, ne?"

Kaoru clutched Hikaru's biceps. "Jealous? Of little old US?"

I tapped my foot impatiently. "I am going to count to one, and you WILL tell me or I swear I'll tear you inside out."

They laughed together. "Janae-tan, don't be silly. YOU'RE taking us."

THAT made me stop. "Huh?"

"Remember? We never went to Midterm Mayhem because of Geoff-"

"PLEASE," I interrupted. "Let's not discuss that little incident again."

"Well, you never took us, so we figured you owed us one." They shrugged simultaneously. "Right?"

I guess they have a point. "So, the whole time you were spoken for, it was really ME you were talking about?"

"Hai!"

I sigh. Men just don't make no sense. "Alright, fine. We'll all go together."

The boys looked at each other, then back at me. "Promise us." They thrust out their fists and stick out their pinkies. "Yubikiri."

"Oh, alright." I stick out my pinkie finger. "Promise."

We link fingers solemnly. Then the boys pull out and shout, "Yubi kitta!"

And, in spite of how dorky that moment was, I can't help but laugh.

-=+=-

Austin shivered, and pulled one of the garbage bags over on top of him for extra warmth.

Unable to get into the classroom for his belongings, unable to enter his room for fear of whatever traps Janae might have lain for him, he had been forced to seek sleep -and warmth- for the night elsewhere.

The only place he could find was the Dumpster behind the gym. Yes, it was disgusting, but maybe not as disgusting as sleeping in the kitchen Dumpster. At least the only trash in there was Gatorade bottles, sweaty old towels and maybe an energy bar wrapper or two.

Stinky, yes. But things could be worse.

On some level, he surely realized how ridiculous he was being with his efforts to avoid Janae. But in his primitive lizard-brain (standard issue for all men) his logic centers were entirely overridden by his desire to stay alive.

So, stubbornly refusing to let Janae win, he burrowed even deeper among the trash bags, and tried to fall asleep.

The night was cold, and somewhat windy. All was quiet across campus.

-=+=-

I'm up early this morning to run on the treadmill before class. It's quiet here in the fitness room at 7:30 a.m. There are only a couple of other people here with me.

All of a sudden, the smell hits me. I wrinkle my nose and turn around. "Austin?"

Get this: despite the fact that he looks like crap warmed up, and he stinks like Taft after sauerkraut night in the White House, he actually looks happy. Triumphant, even. "Time's up, Janae!"

"Hmm?" I give him as bland a look as I can.

He pumps his fist in the air. "It's been over twelve hours, and you never got me! I win!"

:"Oh, is that so?"

"Yeah!" He is totally jazzed. "Dude, you totally fail at being a threat! I am like a ninja or something!"

"So, you think you won then?"

"Of course I did!" He gives me a look like I'm an idiot. "I dove out a window and bruised my pitching arm. I missed dinner and had to eat twigs. Bridget broke up with me, AND I had to sleep in a Dumpster, but the joke's on you, 'cos YOU NEVER-"

He suddenly stops. His eyes unfocus as he replays the events of last night; all I can do is quirk an eyebrow and wait for it to sink in.

"…got me?"

I smile widely. "Give the man a prize! Austin, we really do need to do this again sometime."

"I-I can't believe it." He points accusingly. "How could you do all this to me, Janae?"

"Ah ah ahhhh!" I tisk at him. "Not me, Aussy-boy. YOU did all that to yourself. Because you're an idiot and a dickhead."

"But-"

"YOU chose to jump out a window, YOU didn't work up the nerve to enter the cafeteria until it was too late, YOU ignored Bridget and made her angry with you, and YOU chose to sleep in a Dumpster. YOU are the one directly responsible for everything, not me."

"How-"

"The only thing I am directly responsible for is the damage done to your laundry." I reach into my pocket and toss him the dryer knob. "That's my revenge; I shrunk your clothes. Everything else you could have fixed yourself. But because you're such a typical thick-headed MAN, you didn't. So it's your problem."

He's speechless. All he can do is stand there and gape like a stunned mullet.

"And just FYI, don't bother showing up at host club today or ever again. You're out I suggest you go get your laundry now."

Austin just nods dumbly, turns and shuffles out of the room.

And the victory goes to…ME!

I can't resist: I throw my head back and cackle evilly, clawing my hands in the air. "DAMN, it's fine to be an evil genius!" I shriek, and laugh some more.

-=+=-

"That was Scott and JP with their rendition of the Hamlet Soliloquy. Thank you guys." Janae paused to let the two laughing boys pass her on their way off stage, then lifted the mike and continued. "Now, original poetry by some of the lovely English majors of the Host club."

The college students snapped their fingers as Janae walked offstage, to be replaced by a line of girls clutching sheets of paper in their hands.

The atmosphere was dim, almost mysterious but still with an open air. The bitter smell of freshly-ground coffee mingled with the old leather of the chairs and a hint of body odor. Various paintings in shades of blue hung against every wall and propped against every available surface.

Janae had to admit; Cool Beans wasn't THAT bad a coffeehouse after all.

Looking around, she saw that only Hikaru and Kaoru were surrounded by their usual crowd of lovesick followers. Of the three remaining hosts, Scott and Del were the only other host boys left; Jake hadn't shown up yet.

Yet the girls seemed more interested in the open mike rather than the boys on this little outing. Even the girls that had brought their boyfriends along weren't as item-y as they usually were. Something about the place seemed to bring out the maturity of these college students.

But whatever. Janae shrugged and turned back to her clipboard, wondering vaguely about the open spot for a host. Who would be the perfect guy to fit there?

As she pondered to herself, the building was suddenly cast into brighter light as the door opened and Jake walked in.

"Hey, Jake!" Janae stage-whispered, waving him over. "Glad you could make it!"

He jogged over to her side with a grin. "Sorry I'm late, but I had to go pick up my friend at the airport. I'm really excited for you to meet him; he seemed really interested about the host club thing we've got going on." Jake shifted from one foot to the other. "Hey, did you ever get that thing with Austin sorted out?"

Janae smiled to herself in a rather unpleasant way. "Yes, you could say that particular issue resolved itself.""Oooookay, not gonna push that issue anymore." Jake shrugged. "Anyway, my friend doesn't speak much English; he's bilingual in French and-"

The room brightened again, and a tall figure appeared in the door, silhouetted by the sun. As the crowd began to snap for the last speaker, Jake waved at the man in the door. "Venez ici, Suou!"

The mysterious figure stepped inside, and as the room fell back into shadow, Janae could make out the face of Jake's friend. Faintly Asian, but with blonde hair. Verrrrrry attractive.

"Janae, this is my friend Suou Tamaki. He's half-Japanese, half-French. Tamaki, ceci est mon ami Janae." //_Tamaki, this is my friend Janae_.//

Suou smiled brightly at Janae, and took her hand. "N'importe quel ami de Jake est un ami à moi." //_Any friend of Jake's is a friend of mine_.//

Janae failed to be impressed. "Uh-huh."

A coffee cup clattering onto a table made all three of them look up and over.

Hikaru and Kaoru stared in disbelief. "Tamaki?"

Tamaki froze. His featured darkened. "Ajapa-! Akuma ha musubi tsukeru ka? Sore wa aru koto ga deki nai!" //_Wha-! The Devil twins? It can't be!_//

The twins' faces split into happy smiles. "TONOOOOOO!"

Suou threw his hands into the air and cried, "Iieeeeeeeee!"

-=+=-

"Austin, you're next. Please come to the front and give your speech."

Slowly, reluctantly, Austin rose from his chair and began to shuffle to the front of the lecture hall. The giggles of his classmates made his face turn bright red, and he tried in vain to tug the edge of his shirt down.

"Austin," the professor sighed, "would you please mind explaining what the hell you're wearing?"

"Sorry, sir."As he reached the podium, Austin flipped open his black speech folder. "I had an…incident with the washing machine."

"I see. Well, I'll let you off this time, but if you intend to come to class in tiny clothing from now on, I'm afraid it might begin to affect your grade."

"Yeah, okay." Austin cleared his throat nervously, tried once again to pull his shirt over his bare stomach, and looked down, prepared to speak.

But he stopped. "What? This isn't my speech. I wrote on Grover Cleveland, not…" He paled. "H-Howard Taft?"The professor tapped impatiently on his desk. "Come on, Austin. We don't have all day. Read what you've got and sit down so someone else can have a turn."

As Austin flipped through the folder with increasing disbelief, a handwritten note on the last page caught his eye.

It said, "Okay, so I lied. But now my revenge is complete! Love Janae and the Hitachiin twins."

"S-she switched m-my-"

"Austin." The professor's voice became cold. "Read."

With trembling hands, Austin flipped back to the first page, gulped nervously, and began. "P-President William Howard Taft, in my opinion, was a president that got a lot of things done in his time. Most of the things he accomplished were directly related to his weight. I admire a president that can get a custom bathtub and crane installed in the White House; it is proof that the position of President is one in which a person can accomplish anything they set their mind to."

As the classroom dissolved into laughter and his professor let his head drop into his hands, Austin could do nothing but rue the day he first laid eyes on Janae Thompson.

-=+=-

A/N: I can't believe I finished this before midnight! I'm so happy!

Okay, fist of all, I need to tell you all that today, Dec. 24, is MY BIRTHDAY! I am SO glad I get to share the end of the cliffhangers with you on this special day for all of us!

Secondly, I wanted to tell you I got straight B's this semester! I'm literally relieved that I actually passed every class I took (there were some moments of doubt, but NO LONGER!)

Thirdly, I know I'm behind on the story-end-of-semester versus the REAL end of the semester. I kinda wanted to write you all a Christmas ficlet about Janae and the Twins back at home, but I guess that'll just have to wait until I'm finished with the NEXT chapter, eh? It'll just have to become a "holidays" story instead.

Fourthly, I now must apologise for slaying the Japanese AND French language. I'll try to keep the non-translated stuff to a minimum, okay?

I am glad you guys are enjoying what you have read. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH for your reviews and feedback. Can't wait to share the NEXT installment with you! Have a very merry Christmas tomorrow, and happy holidays to you all!

Kisses!


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